This load I'm carrying, I mean. I'm really sick of being the only parent. Being alone and taking care of three kids all day every day is wearing on me. I've been doing pretty well, in fact, my husband comes home from his deployment a week from today, but right now I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown. There has been a lot of screaming in the house today... me screaming, Carli screaming, Sammy screaming. It's starting to wear on my nerves. I am feeling lots of emotions and right now I want to drown them in a big bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough!
Deep down (deep, deep, down) I know that chocolate chip cookie dough will do nothing for me, in fact, it'll probably leave me pretty mad later, but right now I really want it. I'm trying really hard to fight the impulse to just eat anything and everything right now. I do really well during the week, but on the weekends, I just feel like letting go... especially when I'm tired and frustrated and very lonely. I just want Ben home now.
Right now it's only 6 pm and I just can't wait to put the kids in bed. Sounds terrible, but if you have kids, you understand. The evening seems endless, and I just need some peace.
I also have another worry on my mind. My back... it's acting up again. I have a herniated disk, which they've been treating with steroid epidurals. The first one was during my pregnancy, last July, and it lasted for 6 months. They basically inject steroids around the herniated disk and it alleviates the swelling and pressure and takes the pain away. The second one was in February, and it's lasted until now. I was really hoping to make it all the way through the deployment, but it doesn't look like that will happen. It's been hurting during the night and seizing up at times during the day. Eventually, if it goes too long, I won't be able to walk. Stress management is not my forté and thinking about arranging a babysitter for the procedure and someone to go with me, not to mention making it through all the days until I actually get it scheduled is just about more than I can take right now.
Thanks for listening to my rant. This blogging thing is turning out to be pretty therapeutic. I can't hear the cookie dough calling to me so loudly now, it's more like a whisper. Hopefully it will just fade out until I can't hear it anymore. Wish me luck. =)
3 comments:
Hang in there! You will make it! You are strong!
THANK YOU for this post, it has been great lift for me! the past two days have been just like this, the kids flight, they never listen I get frustrated, and stressed, I feel all alone, I yell, ethan cries, Aaron yells, then laughs at me, I cry. Then once the kids are in bed (FINALLY!) I down half a tub if ice cream. then I get down at my failures with everything, and it's only day two! I still have 177 to go! if you have any advise pass it my way- Thanks for being real and letting me know I'm not alone.
I'm sorry you had such a hard day/weekend/past two months!!! I wish we lived closer to each other so I could help you out. You really are awesome and although your situation right now is difficult, just know you are an inspiration to me. When I am tired at the end of the day and starting to complain (in my head) about Matt working late, I remind myself that at least he is coming home! I think of you often and am always amazed at your strength. Just think, only 3 more days to go!!! Love you tons.
Post a Comment