I REACHED MY GOAL!!! (I think most of you already know this because it's taken me so long to actually blog about it, but it's definitely worth mentioning, don't you think?)
Can you believe it? It's something that I've been thinking about, dreaming about and hoping for for more than 10 years. There was a huge part of me that thought that I would NEVER get there. Every Sunday night when I told myself I would start over on Monday and this would be the time, and then by Monday afternoon when my well-laid plans had already gone by the wayside, that part of me would whisper, "you'll never do it. You'll never make it. Just accept it."
And there were times when I listened to that voice. Months and even years when I didn't exercise, didn't worry about what I ate, didn't care that I didn't feel good and wasn't happy with myself.
And then... I turned 30.
30 was a big turning point for me. My oldest child was five, and I had two others younger than him and I knew, if I was going to change, going to be an example to my kids, I needed to stop listening to that little voice and get up and do something about it.
The very next day, I walked in to a Weight Watchers meeting and now, 14 1/2 months later, I'm at my goal weight.
I DID IT! I really did it! It was a moment I had been thinking about all during those months... all during the weeks that I didn't lose, during the weeks that I gained. During the times when I lost control with eating and during the times that I was frustrated and wanted to give up, I thought about that moment and how it would feel to sit in my meeting and have my leader announce that I had reached my goal.
The moment that I had imagined during all that time finally came, last Friday, May 1, 2009. I went to my meeting like I do every Friday and weighed in. Seeing the number on the scale wasn't nearly as exciting as it was to actually have it announced in the meeting and to say out loud how much I had lost and to see the happiness and support on the faces of the people I have been seeing every Friday for over a year now. They were so happy for me and I was so happy for myself! Everyone clapped and cheered... and surprise! ... I cried.
I cried out of sheer pride, out of knowing that I had overcome something that has bothered me since I was 8 years old. And I cried because that voice, the one inside me that has been telling me that I can't do it, that I can't change, that I can't be the person I really want to be is gone. That voice has nothing more to say.
Never again will I believe that I can't do something that I really want to do. Never again will I believe that I can't make myself a better person or overcome something that is difficult.
I know I can. I know I can do anything I want to do.
Maintenance is a long and difficult road, I know, but I think I'm ready. I still track my food and activity every day and I'm attending my meetings. I'm doing all I can to continue down the same path I've been on. For the moment, I'm relishing the victory of having reached my goal weight, and I'm thinking about my next set of goals. I definitely want to lose about 10 more pounds, and I want to run a 1/2 marathon by the end of the year.
My thanks to all of you, my friends, for your support and comments. I love you all!
