I Have the Power

It will come as no surprise to others on a weight-loss journey that this is not my first time trying to lose weight... in fact, it's not the second or third or even fourth time. I can't even remember a time when losing weight wasn't on my mind. There have been good diets and bad diets, fast ones and slow ones. I've even tried Weight Watchers countless times before, but this time, there is one fundamental difference: I realize that I am powerful. I know that I have the power to change my life.

There have been periods of time in my life when I did not have this belief, some of them pretty extended periods. When I was younger, I was pretty much unaware of the power I had to change, so I didn't really explore it. When I was in college, I was aware that people could change, but I didn't believe that I was one of them. I have so many memories of times when others have taken my power from me... and I let them do it! One time in grade school a boy walked up to me, stopped and looked me up and down and then said, "You're fat." Just like that. Completely matter of factly, he summed my entire being up in those two words. And that is what I became.

I remember other comments, even from well-intentioned friends or family members. My dad once told me that I needed to just accept that I was overweight ("big-boned", he said, as if that's any less insulting than fat!) and be happy with the way I was. I know he was just trying to help, but he took my power away because I believed him, and I thought I could never change. Another time, after losing more than 20 pounds, in line at a fast-food restaurant a friend jested with me about always ordering salads... and what did I do? I quit the diet. I let her take my power and I gave up on believing in myself. I remember every single comment, every look, every time I ever felt different because I was fat. I remember longing to be one of the "skinny girls", just wanting to be able to trade clothes with a friend, or to be able to wear the cute clothes that only came in smaller sizes.

Time after time, I tried, really tried to lose weight . . . but without actually believing that I could do it. Lots of times I kept it a secret, knowing that if I failed, no one would have to know. I would go on crazy diets that promised a pound a day . . . I even tried prescription diet pills. Those things worked, but they were all only a temporary fix. For many years, remembering these things made me feel worse, but now they help to remind me how far I've come, and they strengthen my will to change, to become more than just the fat girl.

This time it's different. I'm following the plan, taking it slow, one day at a time. My losses each week aren't big, and deep down I'm glad . . . because it's teaching me patience, a virtue which I definitely lack. It's also helping me to make this way of eating habit, and not just something I do for a few months. I'm sick of the roller coaster, and this time when I joined Weight Watchers, I knew it wasn't just for a one-day ticket into the weight-loss amusement park. This is life . . . there will be french fries, and birthday cake, and KFC on the 4th of July. With this plan, I am fully equipped to handle whatever "life" throws my way.

I'm going to win this weight loss game . . . I think of how it will feel to reach my goal weight almost every day. Every day that I stay on plan, I build up my power reserve. Every time that I turn down or pass by a food that I know isn't going to work for me, I get stronger. Every time that I opt to eat the french fries, or the cake or the ice cream, when I know I have the points, I feel absolutely empowered!

No one can take my power away unless I let them. This is my life, and I have the power to change.