It's been too long!

I can't believe it's been more than 3 years since I posted on this blog... that blows my mind. How to even cover all the things that have happened since then? I don't think that's even possible, so here's a rundown:

Yep, that's really what it feels like.

 I ran a marathon in 2010 (yeah, me. I did that!).

I became a Weight Watchers Leader and got certified as a personal trainer. We moved from Nebraska to California (soooo hard to leave all my friends).

I ran a marathon in California (me again! I did that! It still blows my mind.) I trained a lot of really cool people and led a lot of really cool WW meetings. We moved from California to Arizona (sooooo hard to leave all my friends).

And here I am. That was a quick three years. :)

I've been feeling the pull to start this blog back up because lately I have really been feeling like I'm losin it... and I'm not talking about weight! Arizona has brought many changes--some good, some bad. When we first arrived I attended several Weight Watchers meetings and I was so let down. The WW here is a franchise, which means it's totally separate from the national company that I had worked for in California and Nebraska. In a nutshell, I didn't feel like anyone there cared if I came back or not--and that is not a good feeling. I felt no motivation, no pull and no desire to return.

For weeks I struggled with that. It's been more than 5 years now since I joined Weight Watchers and it has been a daily part of my life--I have attended weekly meetings, led weekly meetings and generally lived and breathed Weight Watchers. I felt like I had lost a loved one. I have floundered since then. I've followed the plan on and off, but really struggled with emotional eating--ending almost every weekend with a bout of tears and frustration over my poor food choices. Then starting every Monday with a vow to make it the entire week--to work and sweat and hopefully lose a pound or two. Something just was not working. So, for my sanity, my family's sanity, and in an effort to overcome my dependence on sugar and other processed junk food (some weeks we've been eating out 3 to 4 times!), I'm taking the Body for Life Challenge. This isn't my first pony ride, either... I've tried BFL several times before--including one stint in 2009 (http://luellamoore.blogspot.com/2009/04/body-for-life.html) which apparently didn't last very long because I only blogged about it once and then never mentioned it again. Ha!

This time will be different. This time HAS to be different!

I am at my wit's end when it comes to food and emotions and weight gain and all the baggage that comes with that struggle. I sometimes get so bogged down with the daily struggle of it all that I just want to give up! Is it crazy that I have actually wished to have more weight to lose just so I might have more motivation?

The other day a good friend of mine said to me, "You are the queen of willpower!" I was stunned--I literally laughed out loud--because that is SO what I am NOT. Willpower isn't something that comes naturally to me--not at all. That's why I have to have a PLAN--something to follow, rules to abide by--and I want to know the WHY behind those rules. Body for Life is built on really solid principles--eating a balanced diet of complex carbohydrates, lean protein, and vegetables, with one free day a week, plus total body strength workouts and short, intense cardio. It's not easy, it's not for the faint of heart--but all of us who have dealt with being overweight understand that NOTHING is easy! And anything worth having is worth fighting for.

I'll check in here with meal ideas and fitness tips, but mostly with my emotional journey on Body for Life. Because for me, it's the emotional part that's the hardest.

Here goes!