Well, I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was. Things were going too well and I was lulled into a false sense of security... and false sense of control.

The truth is, I still have issues with food. I will ALWAYS have issues with food. Sometimes I forget that and whenever I do, the food always gets the upper hand.

Unfortunately, such a situation happened today.

I was feeling so high! Coming off of two huge accomplishments the past few days. Actually, three huge accomplishments. First, losing the 4.2 lbs at my meeting, then making it through the church picnic, and then last night passing up a pie social because I knew I was weak and I would end up eating a week's worth of points in pie.

I knew today would be a challenge. Sundays almost always are. We're in the house for most of the day and much of our activity is based around the meals. On top of that, it's Easter, so we have an abundance of chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and other random awfulness!

I really don't even know what happened! I was doing fine . . . ate a normal breakfast, a normal lunch, and then post-lunch, I just went absolutely crazy! I'm not really sure how several peanut butter eggs found their way to my mouth, but they did. And then a few more, and then a couple more. By that time, there were only two left and I was desperate to have the pressure gone, so I just finished them off. Once the kids caught wind of the candy free-for-all, they joined in and since they started, I decided (check that...I wasn't deciding anything! My brain, and my self-control was on complete hiatus... had abandoned me completely by this time) that I would just keep going. So I polished off some more jelly beans, a few Robin Eggs, decapitated a couple of mini chocolate bunnies and then finished Carli's chicken noodle soup just for good measure. Got to have something salty, right?

Oh! I'm trying desperately to make light of it because I feel upset about it right now. I feel like episodes like this one completely diminish the success I've attained so far and I have to constantly remind myself that I have been successful! I have lost 70+ pounds! I have been in control!

So now I find myself in a terrible position. Wishing so badly that I could push the rewind button and undo so many things that happened today, and wishing that I had power to change things that cannot be changed.

I would rewind to earlier today and consciously choose to have a treat. A treat. Meaning one. Maybe two. And then I would consciously decide to be finished.

That rewind would rid me of the feelings of worthlessness, failure and despair (and the disgusting feeling that comes when you eat WAY too much junk food).

I would rewind past yelling at the kids, and be more patient. Realizing that taking my personal frustrations out on them only exacerbates the problem!

And, most of all, I wish I had the power to bring Ben home. If he was here he could have helped me, and even if I didn't avoid the episode completely, he would have been here to comfort me and help me let it go after it happened.

Unfortunately, wishful thinking doesn't exactly help me move forward. I've been on this journey long enough to know that I just have to let it go. Drop the guilt, and move on. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. (Right, Miss Shirley?).

So, what have I learned from today? I have issues! I have issues, and if I ever forget it, I'm reminded quite forcefully! Staying on top of those issues is what has gotten me this far, and taking it one day at a time is what will get me to my goal.

I feel better after having this little chat. Thanks for listening.