Getting So Close

My weigh-in this week went great! I lost another 1.6, bringing the total since joining Weight Watchers to 56 lbs and the grand total is 68 lbs since January 2008!

I earned another 5 lb star and everyone clapped for me at the meeting. It is always nice to be recognized... although, almost every time it happens I start to cry. I don't know what it is, but it's very emotional for me. I just feel so proud of myself and so happy that I have taken control of my issues with food. I used to feel so helpless, like food controlled me, but now I rarely have that feeling. It's wonderful!

I am really missing Ben this weekend. Every time he goes away I seriously hate his job, the military, and everyone who is involved with deployments. If he could get a permanent non-deployable position, we would stay in the military forever. These deployments about kill me though. I just don't like it when he's away.

So, that was a sidenote... sorry about that! I just miss Ben a lot!

I am getting very close to my goal... I have only 8.8 lbs to go. Once I get there, I will see how I feel, and maybe go for a few more pounds. It would be nice to have a little bit of a cushion so that I don't have to be paranoid about weighing in. (Once you become a lifetime member, you can attend meetings for free, but you have to be within 2 pounds of your goal weight).

Oh... I almost forgot! Here's the deal of the week for everyone. Go to http://www.discountworkouts.com/, pick the workout DVD you want--they have everything: yoga, pilates, kickboxing, core, etc--at the checkout, enter the coupon code "youtube", and you'll get the DVD for FREE! You only have to pay $2.50 for handling. It's a fitness company based out of Utah that makes workout DVD's with just the instructor on a simple set to keep costs down. Most of their DVD's are only $7.98 and include two 60 minute workouts. What a deal! I can't wait for mine to come in the mail. (By the way, it doesn't say anywhere that you can only get one, so I tried it again and it worked! Who doesn't love a new workout DVD for only $2.50!)

Oh, and one more thing... did anyone watch The Biggest Loser last week? I can't believe they all ran 1/2 marathons! I was crying almost the whole time-- it was awesome--and so inspiring! And then at the elimination when Cathy went home so that Aubrey could stay... ! How great is that show? I hated the drama and backbiting of last season and I was about to give up on it, but this season has been great. It's a bunch of really nice people and it has definitely been a feel-good season. Who can forget when Mike gave up his prize of a year's worth of groceries and gave it to Aubrey (who has 5 kids at home). That was just awesome. I love when people do selfless things... priceless.

Everyone have a great week, and do something good for yourself!

Happy Anniversary!

Wow... I've sure been lax on the blog lately! I have been so busy lately, the blog was one of the first things to go! I definitely have some updating to do!

Last month I celebrated two anniversaries: My 31st birthday, and my one year anniversary with Weight Watchers. My birthday was on the 15th and my WW anniversary was on the 16th. (Remember? Last year when I turned 30 I decided I was tired of being overweight and I was going to do something about it... for good this time!)

I am SO happy that I made that decision! I can't believe what a difference it has made for me! I was happy before--and I think it is important to point that out. Never at any time did my weight dictate my feelings about life in general. I have always known that I am important and valuable, no matter what my weight--and I hope that everyone feels that way. Weight is not the most important thing in life--that's for sure! However, for me, it was something that always bothered me and something that I really wanted to change.

I feel much more confident, less stressed, less worried about myself and how I look, and more able to give to those around me. In fact, this journey has even led me a to a job that I never thought I could have--Group Fitness Instructor! I was recently hired at a corporate fitness company called Fit in the City. I have always loved fitness and working out, but I never really thought I could be a part of the industry because I was overweight. I haven't reached my final weight goal, but I feel confident in my abilities to teach and I know that this job will help me to reach those goals. And most importantly, it's fun! What's better than getting paid to work out???

I am loving the changes in my body as well. I am starting to see definition in my arms (I can do REAL push-ups!) and some definite changes in my thighs (weight training is paying off!). It makes me feel really good that I have been able to follow through with my decision to change. I love being a healthy person!

Letting Go

I forgot to post after the weigh-in last week... I was down another 2.4! It was a great week all together. I got in the 8 Good Health Guidelines (5 fruits and vegetables, 2 tsp of healthy oil, whole grains, proteins, 2 milk servings, limit sugar and alcohol, exercise) every single day and I just felt great! I counted every single point and I knew that I would lose. I also had some really great workouts.

This week is going okay... we went out to eat at Olive Garden last night and it didn't go as well as usual. Olive Garden is one of those places where I can usually eat really well, but last night was stressful because Sammy was in a really bad mood and screamed almost the whole time. Between trying to keep him quiet and still enjoying the dinner, I basically pounded some serious food without even thinking about it! When we left I was absolutely stuffed and I felt TERRIBLE!!

I did my best to add up the points, but I can't be totally sure about how much I ate. That's how little attention I paid to it. Anyway, I think I'm still in my points, or maybe over just a little bit. I seem to follow a pattern of losing every other week anyway, and after the nice loss last week, I'm not expecting anything spectacular on Friday. We'll see!

Two other things to mention... my wedding ring is officially too big. It's constantly rolling around my finger and it's been loose for weeks now, but this morning it actually fell off while I was washing dishes. Good thing the drain was plugged! I'm not sure what to do. I definitely don't want to lose it, but I'm scared to have it resized.

Why am I scared, you ask? I'm scared of going back! It's the same fear that's making me hold on to the huge pile of clothes in my closet that doesn't fit anymore. I just can't seem to let go of them! I am terrified that one day I'm just going to decide that keeping up with all of this is too hard and I'll just let myself go right back to where I was when I started--and then I won't have any clothes to wear!

I know I've got to face this fear sooner or later, but right now I'm focusing on getting the weight off-- and that pile of clothes in the closet is kind of a comfort to me. It reminds me of where I came from, and in some small way it feuls my desire to reach my goal. I don't want to wear those clothes ever again!

Ugh

Disappointed.

That's how I'm feeling this morning. I did well this week, stayed in my points and I exercised A LOT . . . so there is absolutely NO reason why I should have gained .4 at the weigh-in today.

What a bummer.

Fortunately we talked about emotional eating at the meeting today, which, based on my last post, is something I really need help with.

Yeah, I didn't go over my points, but I didn't spend them very wisely either. Pizza one night, a Sam's Club hot dog another day. . . after several meals I ended up overly full. Not exactly the recipe for weight-loss success.

BUT, it's another week . . . right? My success or failure hinges on whether I learn from this week or whether I let it get me down.

I'm not letting it get me down, no sir. I'm disappointed, sure, but it's time to move on.

Here's to a full week of eating for hunger ONLY.

Say it with me now... "If hunger is not the problem then food is not the answer."

Still Learning

Frustration.

That's what I'm feeling.

It's not because I've been unsuccessful . . . I have been successful. This week, though, has opened my eyes to the fact that I'm still learning . . . and sometimes, I go against the things I already know to be true.

For example, I know that pizza is my personal adversary, my mortal enemy to weight loss . . . pizza can throw me off of a good eating day faster than anything, and it is virtually impossible to stop eating it! If there is pizza still available, I will eat until I am busting at the seams.


And all the while there is a little voice in the back of my head screaming, "No! Not pizza! You know you can't defeat pizza!" This voice knows that pizza destroys my resolve and leaves me wanting to eat even more--usually ice cream!

Why can't I stay away from pizza? I'm really not sure. I guess a part of me doesn't want to be deprived of anything and pizza is a food I really love.

And it's not just pizza . . . other junk foods have a hold on me that I still haven't been able to break . . . french fries, cheeseburgers, chicken nuggets, pop tarts. Thankfully, I don't have these foods all that often, but when I am faced with them, I usually eat way more than I wanted and end up feeling defeated.

This week there have been several meals that have left me feeling defeated--not because I went over on my points, but because I ate until I was stuffed and uncomfortable. I have felt this week like I was eating for something more than hunger . . . and I'm just not sure what other void I was trying to fill.

My weigh-in is tomorrow and based on my tracking and exercise this week, I should be expecting a loss although I'm not feeling it. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised . . . you never know.

This week I've got to work on eating for hunger . . . I read a quote this week in a magazine that said, "If you're not hungry, you shouldn't be eating." So simple, really.

That will be my goal for this week:

To identify hunger and satisfy it, and to examine my feelings when I determine it's not hunger and figure out what I can do to satisfy that need.

Bothered...

Does anyone else get bothered when January rolls around and all the advertisements start promising surefire weight loss, a magic pill, the quick solution to all your weight loss problems? I sure do! Sure enough, every January, every internet sidebar and dozens of TV commercials start making outrageous promises, all counting on the fact that a desperate public will fork over the dough for a magic solution. I honestly get SO mad when I hear the words, "Eat whatever you want, no exercise required!" Yesterday the sidebar on my email had a dramatic before and after picture of a woman saying: "I lost 46 pounds in two weeks!" What did she do, buy a tapeworm?

It just infuriates me to no end that big companies try to dupe people into buying products that will do nothing for them. And believe me, I know this from experience! I've been on the pills, prescription and non... and while they do work for a while, that's not something you can do for the rest of your life! And where is the information about the side effects? It's so frustrating to me!

I'm so grateful to Weight Watchers--so grateful that it's something totally doable and it fits into my everyday life. I CAN eat anything I want... in moderation, of course. I get frustrated when any diet plan/program tries to cut out entire food groups (Yes, I've done Atkins!) or even sweets... like I'm never going to have a bowl of ice cream again? Yeah, right.

I'm not sure where this post is going, but I just wanted to express my frustration with quick fixes--especially because they get into my head and tempt me to try them! There is NO quick fix. To lose weight and keep it off you must expend more calories than you consume . . . day after day, year after year.

Does anyone else get bugged by this?

Just Do It

I really haven't been very good at updating the blog lately! I got in the vacation mindset over Christmas break and I haven't been able to get back in the swing of things! Speaking of Christmas, the holidays didn't have a huge impact on my weight loss since I was sick that week, but I managed to make up for that by squandering that loss the next two weeks. Unfortunately, I felt like I had somehow been robbed of indulgence and I overate for two weeks running, gaining back all but .6 lbs of the weight I lost Christmas week. Thankfully, I was able to stop the bleeding this week and come back strong with a 4 pound loss, to hit my lowest weight yet.

I have had a lot of random thoughts lately about this weight loss journey. Becoming a slim (or slimmer) person has really changed a lot of preconceived notions I once had. Having been overweight pretty much my entire life, I always figured that thin people just had it easy... I knew people who could eat pretty much whatever they wanted and not gain an ounce. I don't know about you, but that always made me mad! Honestly, though, I think those people are pretty few and far between.

I have a couple of friends, two in particular, who are very thin, but who still make a concerted effort to eat well and exercise--I really love that! I used to think, "Oh, she doesn't even have to try!" But now I know better. I know that a person can be very thin and still be VERY out of shape, and a person can carry a few extra pounds and be very fit. It's been an eye-opening experience.

You know one of the best parts about losing weight? The compliments. There is just nothing better than having someone recognize your hard work with a compliment... I sincerely appreciate every single compliment, and they never get old.

I also overcame a personal obstacle in the past few weeks. I have wanted to teach aerobics for a long time now... it's something I enjoy and always felt like I would be good at. I have a friend who has encouraged me, but I always felt self-conscious with the extra weight. I figure who wants to take a fitness class from someone who isn't fit? Well, I have finally become comfortable enough in my skin to get over my self-consciousness and I am working on getting hired at a local gym! It's just such a good feeling to want something and to go out and get it.

So to everyone who has been held back for one reason or another, if there's something you want to accomplish, don't let anything hold you back. Whoever you are, whatever you want to do, you can do it! If I can do it, you can do it!

2008--Year in Review

I don't know about you, but I always love the beginning of a new year. Each year when I transfer my information from my old planner to the new, I go over my resolutions from the past year and make new goals for the new one. Of course there are always resolutions that went out the window the second week in January . . . BUT, I am so proud that in 2008 I kept one of my major resolutions and during the past 12 months I have lost 60 pounds!!

I can't even count the number of times I have tried to lose weight in the past--I have tried off and on since I was 12 years old. I have lost and gained, lost and gained, struggled, cried, planned, starved, binged and "dieted" FOREVER!

This time it was different.

I turned 30 in 2008 and I just knew it was my year. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from reaching my goal. And I didn't.

I joined Weight Watchers on Feb. 16, the day after my birthday, and I have missed only one meeting (we were in St. John, USVI) since then.

I struggled with the same five pounds for almost 8 weeks during the summer, but I kept going back.

I have gained several times, once a pattern of every other week almost made me crazy, but I kept going back.

I have lost and gained, lost and gained, struggled, cried, and planned, but I have not starved, binged or "dieted"!

And I kept going back.


Last weeks weigh-in was a day-after-Christmas present with a loss of 3.2! Don't mistake me for a super hero of self-discipline, though . . . I had the stomach flu all week long, so the holiday treats weren't nearly as tempting as usual. I have fallen off the wagon this week and let some of my tracking slide, so I'm definitely not expecting a loss at weigh-in tomorrow. I'm hoping for only a small gain that I can get under control quickly next week.

I am getting closer to my weight goal, only 17 pounds to go!

Here is the past year in pictures:

January 2008 -- Ben got out the saws-all to chop up a ham bone last year. I hated this picture at the time, but now I can appreciate the humor in it! Me at my heaviest.

February 2008 -- Ben's Airman Leadership School graduation.

June 2008 -- Me and Sammy

July 2008 -- Family vacation to Utah

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008 -- At the pumpkin patch

December 21, 2008 -- Sammy's first birthday

December 2008 -- lowest weight since 2002

M I A

I've been missing in action since Ben came home from his deployment the beginning of this month. I love when he comes home, of course, but it really messes up the routine! It's easy to let things like working out and eating well slip when you're celebrating every day. . . and when you have four weeks of vacation!

My weigh-ins the past three weeks have been good. . . up and down, but an overall loss. On 12/5 I lost 1.4, on 12/12 I gained 1 and on 12/19 I lost 1.6.

Today was not the best eating day! We celebrated my baby's first birthday this week and I passed on the birthday cake, but after dealing with croup, food poisoning and stomach flu this week, when I saw the cake sitting on the stove today, I ate a HUGE piece without even thinking twice about it. I let other treats get the best of me as well and I completely lost track of my points. I attempted to salvage the day with a late evening workout at the gym, so hopefully that will help.

I'm not letting the bad day today get me down, I'll just try to do better tomorrow. And if I see a gain this week, it's okay . . . I'll work on it next week. Christmas is only once a year!

Giving Thanks...

. . . for FOUR pounds lost this week! That's actually a combination of a fluke gain last week and the loss this week. Last week the scale showed a gain of 1.8, which I just knew was not right. I had a bigger meal on Thursday night because we went to a party, and I'm sure it was just water retention from the salt in all the barbecued pork I ate! Either way, I don't really care, because I was down FOUR pounds this week and I'm just ecstatic!

I'm also giving thanks today for all those people who support me in this journey. First and foremost is Ben--my husband and best friend. He's so helpful and supportive of me. I know I can always tell him what I'm struggling with and he'll help me out. If I say I don't feel like working out, he'll encourage me to just walk on the treadmill... "It'll make you feel better, " he'll say. He stays on top of my weekly weigh-ins even from halfway around the world when he's deployed. He always knows when my meeting is and makes sure to call me and ask how it went. If I'm having a hard time he reminds me how far I've come and how capable I am of moving forward. I love him so much and I'm so grateful for him.

I'm thankful for my supportive friends . . . My friend Dayna had us over for Thanksgiving dinner and she made sure that there were vegetable trays and lots of good food choices. She accommodated me in every way--held the baby so I could eat and enjoy adult conversation--made sure that her older kids entertained my younger ones--just basically made what was a very hard day for me so much easier.

For my leader, Nancy. She has this incredible talent of making everyone in the room feel like they're the most important person there. She's wonderful and entertaining and she keeps me coming back week after week. She is real and genuine and knowing that someone who cares is waiting by the scale every week is a huge motivator.

For my mom and mother-in-law who call for weekly updates and congratulate my success.

For my friends who comment regularly on the blog . . . Thank you so much. It means so much to know that there are others who understand, who have felt the way I do (good and bad!) and who care enough to read my rantings and ravings about the weight-loss battle. I appreciate you and you give me strength! I love you all.

So much to be thankful for!

The Biggest Loser--I can't believe they didn't vote out Vicky!!

I don't know if any of my readers actually watch The Biggest Loser, but I love it! I don't really care for any of the drama, but I love to see the last five minutes when they show the before and afters.

Anyway, this season, the drama has gotten out of control and this one woman, Vicky, is turning out to be really mean and awful! I just CANNOT believe that when they had the opportunity to vote her out last night THEY DIDN'T DO IT! It all came down to Amy's decision (and this is the person Vicky had been railing on all week long because she caused the elimination of Vicky's husband) and she voted Coleen out instead!! I WAS SO MAD!

Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest. If this Vicky person wins, the show will be ruined forever for me!

Great Breakfast Idea

Okay, this sounded gross to me at first, but I tried it anyway, and it's really good!

Try cottage cheese with sliced bananas and sugar-free or light syrup. It's really tasty! Not only that, but it's also quick and easy to prepare. In fact, it's quickly becoming my six-year-old's favorite breakfast (after toaster waffles, of course). He can stay in bed a few minutes longer when he opts for this breakfast.

I got the idea out of the Eating For Life book by Bill Phillips--the same guy who wrote Body for Life. It's a great way to get a milk serving with protein and a fruit! You hit three of the Good Health Guidelines in one meal--yay!