Journaling

Week one... Done!  Can I even express how proud I am of myself for giving 100% this week?  I've attempted to do Body for Life at least 5 times before, and I've never made it more than 3 or 4 days without cheating.  I am SO proud that I didn't cheat this week.  I followed the program to a TEE.  I even opted for 1 cheat meal and 1 cheat dessert instead of an entire free day. The last time I did BFL I found myself discouraged after the free day--and too much indulgence led me to more indulgence.  It just didn't work for me to have a whole free day.

One thing I'm doing differently this time is that I'm journaling.  I've always kept a food log, doing Weight Watchers for years has ingrained that in me.  It's been proven over and over that people who lose weight and keep it off write down what they're eating in one form or another.  I'm doing more than just tracking this time though.  I have the official Body for Life Success Journal and I really like how it's working.  

Every night I take about 10 minutes to review my day.

 I write down 5 things I can do in the next 24 hours to help me on the way to my 12-week goals and 2 things I can do to support and encourage others.  Then I cover 3 things I did great that day and 1 thing I can do better tomorrow.

  I plan my meals for the next day.

And finally, I plan my workout.  (This will take less and less time as the days go by).

I also take a minute or two to review my 12-week goals (to be shared in a later post!) and to remember why I'm working so hard for this. 

I find that this few minutes of thought and writing at the end of the day is making all the difference!  The funny thing is that I've had this journal for at least 5 years.  I actually got it at a Goodwill store for 4 bucks.  Every other time I've started the challenge, I've opted to make copies instead of writing directly in the book--I think subconsciously it was a way out for me--I didn't believe that I would make it all the way through the challenge and I didn't want to waste the book by starting and stopping.

It's definitely working--taking the time each day to plan for the next day is really helping me to stay on top of things.  Losing 5.7 lbs this week and feeling great isn't hurting either!  So far, so good on Body for Life!












 

It's been too long!

I can't believe it's been more than 3 years since I posted on this blog... that blows my mind. How to even cover all the things that have happened since then? I don't think that's even possible, so here's a rundown:

Yep, that's really what it feels like.

 I ran a marathon in 2010 (yeah, me. I did that!).

I became a Weight Watchers Leader and got certified as a personal trainer. We moved from Nebraska to California (soooo hard to leave all my friends).

I ran a marathon in California (me again! I did that! It still blows my mind.) I trained a lot of really cool people and led a lot of really cool WW meetings. We moved from California to Arizona (sooooo hard to leave all my friends).

And here I am. That was a quick three years. :)

I've been feeling the pull to start this blog back up because lately I have really been feeling like I'm losin it... and I'm not talking about weight! Arizona has brought many changes--some good, some bad. When we first arrived I attended several Weight Watchers meetings and I was so let down. The WW here is a franchise, which means it's totally separate from the national company that I had worked for in California and Nebraska. In a nutshell, I didn't feel like anyone there cared if I came back or not--and that is not a good feeling. I felt no motivation, no pull and no desire to return.

For weeks I struggled with that. It's been more than 5 years now since I joined Weight Watchers and it has been a daily part of my life--I have attended weekly meetings, led weekly meetings and generally lived and breathed Weight Watchers. I felt like I had lost a loved one. I have floundered since then. I've followed the plan on and off, but really struggled with emotional eating--ending almost every weekend with a bout of tears and frustration over my poor food choices. Then starting every Monday with a vow to make it the entire week--to work and sweat and hopefully lose a pound or two. Something just was not working. So, for my sanity, my family's sanity, and in an effort to overcome my dependence on sugar and other processed junk food (some weeks we've been eating out 3 to 4 times!), I'm taking the Body for Life Challenge. This isn't my first pony ride, either... I've tried BFL several times before--including one stint in 2009 (http://luellamoore.blogspot.com/2009/04/body-for-life.html) which apparently didn't last very long because I only blogged about it once and then never mentioned it again. Ha!

This time will be different. This time HAS to be different!

I am at my wit's end when it comes to food and emotions and weight gain and all the baggage that comes with that struggle. I sometimes get so bogged down with the daily struggle of it all that I just want to give up! Is it crazy that I have actually wished to have more weight to lose just so I might have more motivation?

The other day a good friend of mine said to me, "You are the queen of willpower!" I was stunned--I literally laughed out loud--because that is SO what I am NOT. Willpower isn't something that comes naturally to me--not at all. That's why I have to have a PLAN--something to follow, rules to abide by--and I want to know the WHY behind those rules. Body for Life is built on really solid principles--eating a balanced diet of complex carbohydrates, lean protein, and vegetables, with one free day a week, plus total body strength workouts and short, intense cardio. It's not easy, it's not for the faint of heart--but all of us who have dealt with being overweight understand that NOTHING is easy! And anything worth having is worth fighting for.

I'll check in here with meal ideas and fitness tips, but mostly with my emotional journey on Body for Life. Because for me, it's the emotional part that's the hardest.

Here goes!

My First Race

Back in May we took a little family trip to Brookings, South Dakota to participate in the marathon weekend. I ran in the Scotty Roberts 5K the night before the marathon. It was SO cold! The wind was blowing at about 25 mph and there was quite a wind chill.

I didn't really prepare for this race, I just knew that I could run three miles and thought it would be fun to try. It was really, really fun! The whole atmosphere with lots of other people there made the whole thing really exciting.

I finished the 5K in 25:31, averaging about 8 1/2 minutes per mile. That's the fastest I've ever run in my life! I felt so awesome after I finished and couldn't wait to do it again!


It was also really fun to watch my husband run the marathon. It was something he never thought he'd do, so it was awesome! I was so proud of him.

Not only was I proud of him, I was inspired by him... inspired so much that I have started training for the Omaha Marathon which will be held on September 27. My training is going really well. I never, ever thought I would actually enjoy running, but it is truly addicting!

So now I've said it out loud... I'm going to run a marathon! I thought at first that I wouldn't tell anyone because then if I failed, no one would have to know, but that's NO motivation! My experience with weight loss and this blog have taught me that for the most part when you tell others about your goals and aspirations, they can help support you through the good and the bad on your way to reaching those goals.

So, Omaha Marathon, here I come!!

Pancakes!

I just realized that a recipe I mentioned in my meeting last week isn't on the blog! We were talking about breakfast ideas and I talked about Gingerbread Pancakes. They are so delicious, you don't even need syrup. My kids chow them down. They're good any time of year, but especially so around the holidays. We had them last year on Christmas morning and they were a big hit!

Gingerbread Pancakes

1 c all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
2 T sugar
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp cloves
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 cup low-fat buttermilk
1/4 c molasses
1 T vegetable oil
Cooking spray

Combine flour, baking powder and next 7 ingredients in a large bowl; stir with a whisk.
Combine egg and next 3 ingredients in a small bowl, mix well. Add to flour mixture, stirring until smooth. Each pancake is about 1/4 cup batter.

I always double this recipe, sometimes even triple it. They keep well in the fridge and make great snacks. Also, if you don't have buttermilk, which I never do, just add 1 tbsp of lemon juice to 1% milk and it works just the same.

Bon appétit!

Lifetime!

Last week I officially became a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers. It was awesome! I was crying... half the members were crying! I'm just so grateful for all the people who were there, they have truly become my friends.

So, not only have I made it to my goal and made it through 6 weeks of maintenance--Now I get to attend meetings for FREE! What a reward! When I called the customer service number they even told me I'll be getting a refund since I was paid ahead a little bit. Awesome!

I'm entering the "Inspiring Stories of Change" contest for Weight Watchers this summer. The winner (3 grand prizes) gets a trip to New York for a photo shoot and a makeover. Wouldn't that be awesome?


I thought I would share the essay I wrote and the before and after pictures I'm submitting. They only allow you 400 words, so I couldn't really say all I wanted to say, but I think I got my story across. Tell me what you think!

Inspiring Stories of Change 2009

I have been overweight since I was a child. There were times when I thought changing was impossible, when I felt that being overweight was simply my lot in life. The day I turned 30, however, I felt something click inside me. I knew I could change! I was ready to lose the weight and get healthy. I had recently delivered baby #3 and hit my highest weight ever. I had chronic back pain and a herniated disk. I was sick and tired (literally!) and I wanted something different! I walked into Weight Watchers the very next day.

I picked Weight Watchers because I knew it was a healthy, long-term plan. I had tried lots of “diets”—but they didn’t last. This time was different. I walked through those doors highly motivated and completely committed to attending that meeting every single week. My leader and the group of people in my meeting have become my friends and confidants.

I knew if I was going to reach my goals I would need support, so I enlisted my family and friends to help. I started a blog about my journey and friends would post their support for me. My husband is in the military and deploys quite often, but he would call from overseas just before the meeting started to see how I had done. With this support and the science of Weight Watchers, I was a shoe-in for success!

It was a simple combination: Follow the plan and attend meetings. A simple combination that has helped me to reach goals I have dreamed of reaching for over a decade!

Weight Watchers has given me a new lease on life. I can’t remember the last time I had back pain—my herniated disk is healed! I can run and do full push-ups! I also gained the confidence I needed to get a job as a Group Fitness Instructor. I love it! Getting paid to exercise is awesome, but even better than that is helping people—people just like me, who are trying to change. I love seeing new exercisers in my classes. I tell them, “I know how you feel! I’ve been there!” I love sharing my story and helping others to know that they too can change. I tell them, “Decide what you want and go for it! Believe in yourself and you can do ANYTHING!”

Inspired!

I continue every week to be inspired by my Weight Watchers meeting. I'm so grateful for my leader Nancy--she has been an inspiration to me and the other members and I just love her! Her meetings are so enthusiastic and fun, you can't help but want to be there.

I shared my blog address in the meeting today when we talked about recipes, so I hope to get some new visitors. We talked about cooking beans and how people just don't know how to cook them. They are so easy and cheap, you've got to try them! Check out the sidebar for a couple of really good bean recipes. The Smoky Pinto Bean Soup is one of my favorites and it can be eaten alone or on burritos, or tacos or in a bowl with rice. It's delicious! Nana's Pea Soup is also wonderful (it's my 6-year-old's favorite meal!). I will try to include a few more bean recipes in the next couple of days.

Meanwhile, here's a few of my favorite dishes. Brown rice is not my favorite, but cooked this way I really like it, and if you're a mushroom fan, this is a great dish.

Oven Baked Brown Rice with Mushrooms
Points: 3.5 Serves: 6

3 T butter or olive oil
1 ½ c chopped mushrooms
½ c chopped onion
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1 c brown rice
1/8 tsp pepper
2 1/4 c chicken or vegetable stock
1/4 tsp salt

Melt butter in a 2-qt stove top to oven casserole over med-high heat. Add mushrooms, onions, and garlic and cook about 8 minutes. Add rice and pepper and stir until coated. Add stock and salt. Bring to a boil. Cover and bake about 1 hour until rice is tender and stock is absorbed. Let stand, covered, 10 minutes before serving.


This recipe is a staple at our house and you can keep all the ingredients on hand in the pantry (except for the beef, which you can keep in the freezer). It's great in hot or cold weather and can also be used with rice for burritos.


Taco Soup
Points: 3.5 Serves: 8

1 lb lean ground beef, browned
1 c water
2 cans diced tomatoes
2 cans kidney beans
1 can corn
8 oz tomato sauce
1 pkg taco seasoning

Combine ingredients; simmer 45 minutes. Serve with cheese, sour cream, avocado, olives and corn chips.


I will also try to get up some summery recipes soon. I have a great Honey-Lime Fruit Toss recipe that's perfect for summer barbecues.

I've also had a few people ask me for workout ideas, so I'll try to post some tips soon.

Tip for this week: Do something healthy for yourself and see how good it feels... start small and work towards becoming the person you want to be! Envision, imagine, DREAM! A wise man once told me that "success is only a matter of continuous effort." As Dory says in Finding Nemo: "Keep swimming! Just keep swimming!"

Have a great week!

I DID IT!

I REACHED MY GOAL!!! (I think most of you already know this because it's taken me so long to actually blog about it, but it's definitely worth mentioning, don't you think?)

Can you believe it? It's something that I've been thinking about, dreaming about and hoping for for more than 10 years. There was a huge part of me that thought that I would NEVER get there. Every Sunday night when I told myself I would start over on Monday and this would be the time, and then by Monday afternoon when my well-laid plans had already gone by the wayside, that part of me would whisper, "you'll never do it. You'll never make it. Just accept it."

And there were times when I listened to that voice. Months and even years when I didn't exercise, didn't worry about what I ate, didn't care that I didn't feel good and wasn't happy with myself.

And then... I turned 30.

30 was a big turning point for me. My oldest child was five, and I had two others younger than him and I knew, if I was going to change, going to be an example to my kids, I needed to stop listening to that little voice and get up and do something about it.

The very next day, I walked in to a Weight Watchers meeting and now, 14 1/2 months later, I'm at my goal weight.

I DID IT! I really did it! It was a moment I had been thinking about all during those months... all during the weeks that I didn't lose, during the weeks that I gained. During the times when I lost control with eating and during the times that I was frustrated and wanted to give up, I thought about that moment and how it would feel to sit in my meeting and have my leader announce that I had reached my goal.

The moment that I had imagined during all that time finally came, last Friday, May 1, 2009. I went to my meeting like I do every Friday and weighed in. Seeing the number on the scale wasn't nearly as exciting as it was to actually have it announced in the meeting and to say out loud how much I had lost and to see the happiness and support on the faces of the people I have been seeing every Friday for over a year now. They were so happy for me and I was so happy for myself! Everyone clapped and cheered... and surprise! ... I cried.

I cried out of sheer pride, out of knowing that I had overcome something that has bothered me since I was 8 years old. And I cried because that voice, the one inside me that has been telling me that I can't do it, that I can't change, that I can't be the person I really want to be is gone. That voice has nothing more to say.

Never again will I believe that I can't do something that I really want to do. Never again will I believe that I can't make myself a better person or overcome something that is difficult.

I know I can. I know I can do anything I want to do.


Maintenance is a long and difficult road, I know, but I think I'm ready. I still track my food and activity every day and I'm attending my meetings. I'm doing all I can to continue down the same path I've been on. For the moment, I'm relishing the victory of having reached my goal weight, and I'm thinking about my next set of goals. I definitely want to lose about 10 more pounds, and I want to run a 1/2 marathon by the end of the year.

My thanks to all of you, my friends, for your support and comments. I love you all!

Who I REALLY am

I had a great meeting on Friday! Every week is good, but this one seemed to be especially geared towards me and it was just what I needed to hear.

(I had a very modest loss of .2 lbs, which was perfectly satisfactory to me seeing as how I lost 4.2 last week!)

I had been struggling during the week with a sort of identity crisis. I have lost 70+ pounds now, and I feel like a whole new person! There are times though, when I feel like it would be only so easy to go right back to where I started from (see the last post). When I lose control with eating, I catch glimpses of who I used to be, when food was an emotional crutch and when I ate to satisfy more than just hunger cravings. I sometimes feel insecure about this new me, like I'm just kind of pretending to be this fit and healthy person, and that it's not the REAL me. I'm not sure how to come to grips with this insecurity.

For SO long I have been the big girl, the chubby girl, the overweight one; it doesn't seem natural to me to be "normal". I almost feel like I'm having a Cinderella experience in a lighter body and any minute now the clock is going to strike twelve and the size tens are going to change back to eighteens.

During the meeting we talked about this very topic and Nancy quoted a line from the movie Legally Blonde. The girl is frustrated at one point and she says, "I'm just so tired of trying to be someone I'm not." and the guy responds with, "Have you ever thought that you might be trying to be who you really are?"

That quote really got to me. I had to blink back tears with the thought that this might be who I REALLY am! I can be "normal"! I can be a fit and healthy person! I haven't done anything crazy to get to this point, I have eaten a normal, healthy, moderate diet, enjoying snacks and treats almost every day for the past 14 months since I started. I have had pizza, Taco Bell, chocolate and ice cream on an almost weekly basis since I began this journey. I have not been deprived of anything! This is definitely a lifestyle that I am willing to live. With a little bit of self-awareness, moderation, and journaling, this is a maintainable way of life.

How comforting and reassuring that is... to know that I CAN do it. I CAN maintain this weight loss, and I CAN be the fit person I've always wanted to be.

This is who I really am.

Well, I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was. Things were going too well and I was lulled into a false sense of security... and false sense of control.

The truth is, I still have issues with food. I will ALWAYS have issues with food. Sometimes I forget that and whenever I do, the food always gets the upper hand.

Unfortunately, such a situation happened today.

I was feeling so high! Coming off of two huge accomplishments the past few days. Actually, three huge accomplishments. First, losing the 4.2 lbs at my meeting, then making it through the church picnic, and then last night passing up a pie social because I knew I was weak and I would end up eating a week's worth of points in pie.

I knew today would be a challenge. Sundays almost always are. We're in the house for most of the day and much of our activity is based around the meals. On top of that, it's Easter, so we have an abundance of chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and other random awfulness!

I really don't even know what happened! I was doing fine . . . ate a normal breakfast, a normal lunch, and then post-lunch, I just went absolutely crazy! I'm not really sure how several peanut butter eggs found their way to my mouth, but they did. And then a few more, and then a couple more. By that time, there were only two left and I was desperate to have the pressure gone, so I just finished them off. Once the kids caught wind of the candy free-for-all, they joined in and since they started, I decided (check that...I wasn't deciding anything! My brain, and my self-control was on complete hiatus... had abandoned me completely by this time) that I would just keep going. So I polished off some more jelly beans, a few Robin Eggs, decapitated a couple of mini chocolate bunnies and then finished Carli's chicken noodle soup just for good measure. Got to have something salty, right?

Oh! I'm trying desperately to make light of it because I feel upset about it right now. I feel like episodes like this one completely diminish the success I've attained so far and I have to constantly remind myself that I have been successful! I have lost 70+ pounds! I have been in control!

So now I find myself in a terrible position. Wishing so badly that I could push the rewind button and undo so many things that happened today, and wishing that I had power to change things that cannot be changed.

I would rewind to earlier today and consciously choose to have a treat. A treat. Meaning one. Maybe two. And then I would consciously decide to be finished.

That rewind would rid me of the feelings of worthlessness, failure and despair (and the disgusting feeling that comes when you eat WAY too much junk food).

I would rewind past yelling at the kids, and be more patient. Realizing that taking my personal frustrations out on them only exacerbates the problem!

And, most of all, I wish I had the power to bring Ben home. If he was here he could have helped me, and even if I didn't avoid the episode completely, he would have been here to comfort me and help me let it go after it happened.

Unfortunately, wishful thinking doesn't exactly help me move forward. I've been on this journey long enough to know that I just have to let it go. Drop the guilt, and move on. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. (Right, Miss Shirley?).

So, what have I learned from today? I have issues! I have issues, and if I ever forget it, I'm reminded quite forcefully! Staying on top of those issues is what has gotten me this far, and taking it one day at a time is what will get me to my goal.

I feel better after having this little chat. Thanks for listening.

Focus and Motivation

Weigh-in on Friday was FANTASTIC! I saw the biggest loss I have ever had except for the first week. When the number finally stopped, my leader said, "Whoa!" and I yelled, "YES!" I was down 4.2 lbs, bringing me to 173.4, just 3.4 lbs from my goal!

I was very happy, very excited, and I'm feeling so motivated by that success! I earned another five pound star and was recognized at the meeting. And what do you know? I cried again. No surprise there!

You should have heard the applause though... it was awesome. I feel so inspired by my meeting, so grateful to the other people who come each week, and have been so touched by my leader who is caring and compassionate! If I had to rank the reasons for my success, attending my weekly meeting would be #1 on the list. It has made the biggest difference for me... I'm so grateful!

On Friday night, I took the kids to Burger King to eat and play at the playground. I had weighed my options for eating that night, and I went ahead and splurged on a Whopper and fries. It was a lot of points, but man! that whopper was tasty!

Waking up this morning, I had a few moments of regret over that Whopper, especially given that it's Easter weekend and I knew I would be assaulted with candy. We also had a church picnic today... usually a recipe for disaster for me.

Big picnics, parties, and barbecues are a total battleground for me, and usually a fight I end up losing! I generally go hungry, spend a lot of time around the food, eat my weight in fatty salads and desserts, and end up feeling like stuffed turkey. I just can't resist the abundance of free food!

I was worried about the party today... with the added pressure of taking care of the kids by myself, I knew it would be stressful and that I could end up on my knees at the end of the dessert table shoveling cookies into my open mouth.

I thought about it several times while we got ready. What was I going to do? I knew I needed a plan.

So, I packed a sack lunch. I figured everyone already knows I do Weight Watchers, so it wouldn't be too weird to see me pull out my yogurt and carrots... and even then, it's MY health we're talking about, right? So even if someone does think it's weird, or even stupid, that I packed my own lunch... who cares? I care much more about how I will feel afterward than whether someone is thinking that I'm a dork.

But, when we got to the party, I noticed that there were a few good options. There were four or more huge trays of vegetables with dip, some baked beans, and lots of water. I ended up with 1/2 a hot dog, about 1/2 cup of baked beans and a plate full of raw veggies and dip. It turned out great. I stayed away from the dessert table and drank a lot of water.

And actually, the stress of taking care of the kids took my attention off of the food, so that helped as well.

I don't think I've ever felt so in control or made such wise decisions in a situation like that before. I felt so empowered! I was so happy that I could be around all that food and consciously decide that I wasn't going to have any of it. It was a really great moment for me.

I cannot adequately describe how it feels to be in control of food and not the other way around. For so long I felt helpless in situations like the above... like I was helpless to control myself, like if I didn't eat until I was stuffed, I would not be truly satisfied.

It is wonderful, and freeing, and HIGHLY motivating to focus on a goal, plan ahead, and then follow through. Three stepping stones to success.

Yay, me! I feel SO proud.

BODY FOR LIFE!

Anybody out there up for a challenge? If you've seen or read anything about Body-for-Life, you know what I mean when I say challenge! I've had this book by Bill Phillips for years, I've even started the challenge several times but quit after a few weeks.

This time, I am ready!

I've done well with my weight loss, down almost 70 pounds, but I am really needing some inspiration to move forward with my goals. And I think Body-for-Life is it!

The challenge is 12 weeks long and includes workout plans and eating guidelines. It is very simple, but it takes commitment... and it is a definite challenge!

The workouts include intense strength training three days a week, high-intensity interval cardio 3 days a week, and a rest day the seventh. The good thing is these workouts aren't very long... about 45 minutes for strength and 20 minutes for cardio. It doesn't seem like a lot, but if you do it right, you will see results.

As far as eating goes, you have 5-6 small meals per day instead of 3 squares. Each meal consists of one portion of lean protein and one portion of carbohydrate, plus you add vegetables to two meals per day. It's a simple plan, really.

I'm excited about it because I really want to learn to feed my body with good, healthy food instead of feeding my emotions. I have lost a lot of weight, but I don't feel like I have really overcome emotional eating. I'm hoping that committing to this plan and sticking to it will help with that.

You can enter the challenge online at www.bodyforlife.com. Challenges run year-round and winners can receive up to $25,000! Wouldn't that be great!?!

I've read the book, I've taken some before pictures (I don't have the guts to post them yet! You'll have to wait until the after!), and I am ready.

Who's with me??

Continuous Effort

Weigh-in this morning went well. I lost 1.6 lbs, bringing the total to 57.2 since joining Weight Watchers and 69.2 all together.

So why am I not happy with that?!? All morning long I've been asking myself why I'm not satisfied with that loss, and I think it's because my expectations were too high. I did really well this week, eating a balanced diet and I didn't eat all of my weekly points allowance (an extra 35) like I usually do. I thought that would translate into a bigger loss.

But, it didn't. Bummer.

As I get closer and closer to my goal I find myself getting more and more impatient. I need to remind myself that this journey is not a sprint, but a marathon, and often the last six miles are the hardest... and the slowest! I was hoping for a better number, but I am happy with 1.6. It's a loss, and that's what counts. Baby steps, right?

Someone wise once told me that "success is simply continuous effort". And how right he was. That's the key. If I make an unwise food choice, I eat better the next day. If I don't give my all in a workout, I work harder that next time. Whenever I fall, I get back up. That's what counts, and that's what will get me to my goal.

I taught a strength class this morning and as we were holding a 60-second full plank, I told them that a year ago I couldn't have held that plank for ten seconds, much less sixty! In fact, I did my first full plank in several years about 6 weeks ago, and it's amazing how far I've come since then. Continuous effort in exercise REALLY pays off!

Success for me now has much less to do with the scale and much more to do with how I feel about myself.

I can do anything! I feel strong, I feel capable, I feel proud.

And that's worth more to me than anything.