I'm losing it!

My First Race

2009-06-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

Back in May we took a little family trip to Brookings, South Dakota to participate in the marathon weekend. I ran in the Scotty Roberts 5K the night before the marathon. It was SO cold! The wind was blowing at about 25 mph and there was quite a wind chill.

I didn't really prepare for this race, I just knew that I could run three miles and thought it would be fun to try. It was really, really fun! The whole atmosphere with lots of other people there made the whole thing really exciting.

I finished the 5K in 25:31, averaging about 8 1/2 minutes per mile. That's the fastest I've ever run in my life! I felt so awesome after I finished and couldn't wait to do it again!

It was also really fun to watch my husband run the marathon. It was something he never thought he'd do, so it was awesome! I was so proud of him.

Not only was I proud of him, I was inspired by him... inspired so much that I have started training for the Omaha Marathon which will be held on September 27. My training is going really well. I never, ever thought I would actually enjoy running, but it is truly addicting!

So now I've said it out loud... I'm going to run a marathon! I thought at first that I wouldn't tell anyone because then if I failed, no one would have to know, but that's NO motivation! My experience with weight loss and this blog have taught me that for the most part when you tell others about your goals and aspirations, they can help support you through the good and the bad on your way to reaching those goals.

So, Omaha Marathon, here I come!!

Pancakes!

2009-06-23T07:00:00.001-07:00

I just realized that a recipe I mentioned in my meeting last week isn't on the blog! We were talking about breakfast ideas and I talked about Gingerbread Pancakes. They are so delicious, you don't even need syrup. My kids chow them down. They're good any time of year, but especially so around the holidays. We had them last year on Christmas morning and they were a big hit!

Gingerbread Pancakes

1 c all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
2 T sugar
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp cloves
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 cup low-fat buttermilk
1/4 c molasses
1 T vegetable oil
Cooking spray

Combine flour, baking powder and next 7 ingredients in a large bowl; stir with a whisk.
Combine egg and next 3 ingredients in a small bowl, mix well. Add to flour mixture, stirring until smooth. Each pancake is about 1/4 cup batter.

I always double this recipe, sometimes even triple it. They keep well in the fridge and make great snacks. Also, if you don't have buttermilk, which I never do, just add 1 tbsp of lemon juice to 1% milk and it works just the same.

Bon appétit!

Lifetime!

2009-06-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Last week I officially became a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers. It was awesome! I was crying... half the members were crying! I'm just so grateful for all the people who were there, they have truly become my friends.

So, not only have I made it to my goal and made it through 6 weeks of maintenance--Now I get to attend meetings for FREE! What a reward! When I called the customer service number they even told me I'll be getting a refund since I was paid ahead a little bit. Awesome!

I'm entering the "Inspiring Stories of Change" contest for Weight Watchers this summer. The winner (3 grand prizes) gets a trip to New York for a photo shoot and a makeover. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I thought I would share the essay I wrote and the before and after pictures I'm submitting. They only allow you 400 words, so I couldn't really say all I wanted to say, but I think I got my story across. Tell me what you think!

Inspiring Stories of Change 2009

I have been overweight since I was a child. There were times when I thought changing was impossible, when I felt that being overweight was simply my lot in life. The day I turned 30, however, I felt something click inside me. I knew I could change! I was ready to lose the weight and get healthy. I had recently delivered baby #3 and hit my highest weight ever. I had chronic back pain and a herniated disk. I was sick and tired (literally!) and I wanted something different! I walked into Weight Watchers the very next day.

I picked Weight Watchers because I knew it was a healthy, long-term plan. I had tried lots of “diets”—but they didn’t last. This time was different. I walked through those doors highly motivated and completely committed to attending that meeting every single week. My leader and the group of people in my meeting have become my friends and confidants.

I knew if I was going to reach my goals I would need support, so I enlisted my family and friends to help. I started a blog about my journey and friends would post their support for me. My husband is in the military and deploys quite often, but he would call from overseas just before the meeting started to see how I had done. With this support and the science of Weight Watchers, I was a shoe-in for success!

It was a simple combination: Follow the plan and attend meetings. A simple combination that has helped me to reach goals I have dreamed of reaching for over a decade!

Weight Watchers has given me a new lease on life. I can’t remember the last time I had back pain—my herniated disk is healed! I can run and do full push-ups! I also gained the confidence I needed to get a job as a Group Fitness Instructor. I love it! Getting paid to exercise is awesome, but even better than that is helping people—people just like me, who are trying to change. I love seeing new exercisers in my classes. I tell them, “I know how you feel! I’ve been there!” I love sharing my story and helping others to know that they too can change. I tell them, “Decide what you want and go for it! Believe in yourself and you can do ANYTHING!”

Inspired!

2009-06-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

I continue every week to be inspired by my Weight Watchers meeting. I'm so grateful for my leader Nancy--she has been an inspiration to me and the other members and I just love her! Her meetings are so enthusiastic and fun, you can't help but want to be there.

I shared my blog address in the meeting today when we talked about recipes, so I hope to get some new visitors. We talked about cooking beans and how people just don't know how to cook them. They are so easy and cheap, you've got to try them! Check out the sidebar for a couple of really good bean recipes. The Smoky Pinto Bean Soup is one of my favorites and it can be eaten alone or on burritos, or tacos or in a bowl with rice. It's delicious! Nana's Pea Soup is also wonderful (it's my 6-year-old's favorite meal!). I will try to include a few more bean recipes in the next couple of days.

Meanwhile, here's a few of my favorite dishes. Brown rice is not my favorite, but cooked this way I really like it, and if you're a mushroom fan, this is a great dish.

Oven Baked Brown Rice with Mushrooms
Points: 3.5 Serves: 6

3 T butter or olive oil
1 ½ c chopped mushrooms
½ c chopped onion
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1 c brown rice
1/8 tsp pepper
2 1/4 c chicken or vegetable stock
1/4 tsp salt

Melt butter in a 2-qt stove top to oven casserole over med-high heat. Add mushrooms, onions, and garlic and cook about 8 minutes. Add rice and pepper and stir until coated. Add stock and salt. Bring to a boil. Cover and bake about 1 hour until rice is tender and stock is absorbed. Let stand, covered, 10 minutes before serving.

This recipe is a staple at our house and you can keep all the ingredients on hand in the pantry (except for the beef, which you can keep in the freezer). It's great in hot or cold weather and can also be used with rice for burritos.

Taco Soup
Points: 3.5 Serves: 8

1 lb lean ground beef, browned
1 c water
2 cans diced tomatoes
2 cans kidney beans
1 can corn
8 oz tomato sauce
1 pkg taco seasoning

Combine ingredients; simmer 45 minutes. Serve with cheese, sour cream, avocado, olives and corn chips.

I will also try to get up some summery recipes soon. I have a great Honey-Lime Fruit Toss recipe that's perfect for summer barbecues.

I've also had a few people ask me for workout ideas, so I'll try to post some tips soon.

Tip for this week: Do something healthy for yourself and see how good it feels... start small and work towards becoming the person you want to be! Envision, imagine, DREAM! A wise man once told me that "success is only a matter of continuous effort." As Dory says in Finding Nemo: "Keep swimming! Just keep swimming!"

Have a great week!

I DID IT!

2009-05-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

I REACHED MY GOAL!!! (I think most of you already know this because it's taken me so long to actually blog about it, but it's definitely worth mentioning, don't you think?)

Can you believe it? It's something that I've been thinking about, dreaming about and hoping for for more than 10 years. There was a huge part of me that thought that I would NEVER get there. Every Sunday night when I told myself I would start over on Monday and this would be the time, and then by Monday afternoon when my well-laid plans had already gone by the wayside, that part of me would whisper, "you'll never do it. You'll never make it. Just accept it."

And there were times when I listened to that voice. Months and even years when I didn't exercise, didn't worry about what I ate, didn't care that I didn't feel good and wasn't happy with myself.

And then... I turned 30.

30 was a big turning point for me. My oldest child was five, and I had two others younger than him and I knew, if I was going to change, going to be an example to my kids, I needed to stop listening to that little voice and get up and do something about it.

The very next day, I walked in to a Weight Watchers meeting and now, 14 1/2 months later, I'm at my goal weight.

I DID IT! I really did it! It was a moment I had been thinking about all during those months... all during the weeks that I didn't lose, during the weeks that I gained. During the times when I lost control with eating and during the times that I was frustrated and wanted to give up, I thought about that moment and how it would feel to sit in my meeting and have my leader announce that I had reached my goal.

The moment that I had imagined during all that time finally came, last Friday, May 1, 2009. I went to my meeting like I do every Friday and weighed in. Seeing the number on the scale wasn't nearly as exciting as it was to actually have it announced in the meeting and to say out loud how much I had lost and to see the happiness and support on the faces of the people I have been seeing every Friday for over a year now. They were so happy for me and I was so happy for myself! Everyone clapped and cheered... and surprise! ... I cried.

I cried out of sheer pride, out of knowing that I had overcome something that has bothered me since I was 8 years old. And I cried because that voice, the one inside me that has been telling me that I can't do it, that I can't change, that I can't be the person I really want to be is gone. That voice has nothing more to say.

Never again will I believe that I can't do something that I really want to do. Never again will I believe that I can't make myself a better person or overcome something that is difficult.

I know I can. I know I can do anything I want to do.

Maintenance is a long and difficult road, I know, but I think I'm ready. I still track my food and activity every day and I'm attending my meetings. I'm doing all I can to continue down the same path I've been on. For the moment, I'm relishing the victory of having reached my goal weight, and I'm thinking about my next set of goals. I definitely want to lose about 10 more pounds, and I want to run a 1/2 marathon by the end of the year.

My thanks to all of you, my friends, for your support and comments. I love you all!

Who I REALLY am

2009-04-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

I had a great meeting on Friday! Every week is good, but this one seemed to be especially geared towards me and it was just what I needed to hear.

(I had a very modest loss of .2 lbs, which was perfectly satisfactory to me seeing as how I lost 4.2 last week!)

I had been struggling during the week with a sort of identity crisis. I have lost 70+ pounds now, and I feel like a whole new person! There are times though, when I feel like it would be only so easy to go right back to where I started from (see the last post). When I lose control with eating, I catch glimpses of who I used to be, when food was an emotional crutch and when I ate to satisfy more than just hunger cravings. I sometimes feel insecure about this new me, like I'm just kind of pretending to be this fit and healthy person, and that it's not the REAL me. I'm not sure how to come to grips with this insecurity.

For SO long I have been the big girl, the chubby girl, the overweight one; it doesn't seem natural to me to be "normal". I almost feel like I'm having a Cinderella experience in a lighter body and any minute now the clock is going to strike twelve and the size tens are going to change back to eighteens.

During the meeting we talked about this very topic and Nancy quoted a line from the movie Legally Blonde. The girl is frustrated at one point and she says, "I'm just so tired of trying to be someone I'm not." and the guy responds with, "Have you ever thought that you might be trying to be who you really are?"

That quote really got to me. I had to blink back tears with the thought that this might be who I REALLY am! I can be "normal"! I can be a fit and healthy person! I haven't done anything crazy to get to this point, I have eaten a normal, healthy, moderate diet, enjoying snacks and treats almost every day for the past 14 months since I started. I have had pizza, Taco Bell, chocolate and ice cream on an almost weekly basis since I began this journey. I have not been deprived of anything! This is definitely a lifestyle that I am willing to live. With a little bit of self-awareness, moderation, and journaling, this is a maintainable way of life.

How comforting and reassuring that is... to know that I CAN do it. I CAN maintain this weight loss, and I CAN be the fit person I've always wanted to be.

This is who I really am.

2009-04-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was. Things were going too well and I was lulled into a false sense of security... and false sense of control.

The truth is, I still have issues with food. I will ALWAYS have issues with food. Sometimes I forget that and whenever I do, the food always gets the upper hand.

Unfortunately, such a situation happened today.

I was feeling so high! Coming off of two huge accomplishments the past few days. Actually, three huge accomplishments. First, losing the 4.2 lbs at my meeting, then making it through the church picnic, and then last night passing up a pie social because I knew I was weak and I would end up eating a week's worth of points in pie.

I knew today would be a challenge. Sundays almost always are. We're in the house for most of the day and much of our activity is based around the meals. On top of that, it's Easter, so we have an abundance of chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and other random awfulness!

I really don't even know what happened! I was doing fine . . . ate a normal breakfast, a normal lunch, and then post-lunch, I just went absolutely crazy! I'm not really sure how several peanut butter eggs found their way to my mouth, but they did. And then a few more, and then a couple more. By that time, there were only two left and I was desperate to have the pressure gone, so I just finished them off. Once the kids caught wind of the candy free-for-all, they joined in and since they started, I decided (check that...I wasn't deciding anything! My brain, and my self-control was on complete hiatus... had abandoned me completely by this time) that I would just keep going. So I polished off some more jelly beans, a few Robin Eggs, decapitated a couple of mini chocolate bunnies and then finished Carli's chicken noodle soup just for good measure. Got to have something salty, right?

Oh! I'm trying desperately to make light of it because I feel upset about it right now. I feel like episodes like this one completely diminish the success I've attained so far and I have to constantly remind myself that I have been successful! I have lost 70+ pounds! I have been in control!

So now I find myself in a terrible position. Wishing so badly that I could push the rewind button and undo so many things that happened today, and wishing that I had power to change things that cannot be changed.

I would rewind to earlier today and consciously choose to have a treat. A treat. Meaning one. Maybe two. And then I would consciously decide to be finished.

That rewind would rid me of the feelings of worthlessness, failure and despair (and the disgusting feeling that comes when you eat WAY too much junk food).

I would rewind past yelling at the kids, and be more patient. Realizing that taking my personal frustrations out on them only exacerbates the problem!

And, most of all, I wish I had the power to bring Ben home. If he was here he could have helped me, and even if I didn't avoid the episode completely, he would have been here to comfort me and help me let it go after it happened.

Unfortunately, wishful thinking doesn't exactly help me move forward. I've been on this journey long enough to know that I just have to let it go. Drop the guilt, and move on. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. (Right, Miss Shirley?).

So, what have I learned from today? I have issues! I have issues, and if I ever forget it, I'm reminded quite forcefully! Staying on top of those issues is what has gotten me this far, and taking it one day at a time is what will get me to my goal.

I feel better after having this little chat. Thanks for listening.

Focus and Motivation

2009-04-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

Weigh-in on Friday was FANTASTIC! I saw the biggest loss I have ever had except for the first week. When the number finally stopped, my leader said, "Whoa!" and I yelled, "YES!" I was down 4.2 lbs, bringing me to 173.4, just 3.4 lbs from my goal!

I was very happy, very excited, and I'm feeling so motivated by that success! I earned another five pound star and was recognized at the meeting. And what do you know? I cried again. No surprise there!

You should have heard the applause though... it was awesome. I feel so inspired by my meeting, so grateful to the other people who come each week, and have been so touched by my leader who is caring and compassionate! If I had to rank the reasons for my success, attending my weekly meeting would be #1 on the list. It has made the biggest difference for me... I'm so grateful!

On Friday night, I took the kids to Burger King to eat and play at the playground. I had weighed my options for eating that night, and I went ahead and splurged on a Whopper and fries. It was a lot of points, but man! that whopper was tasty!

Waking up this morning, I had a few moments of regret over that Whopper, especially given that it's Easter weekend and I knew I would be assaulted with candy. We also had a church picnic today... usually a recipe for disaster for me.

Big picnics, parties, and barbecues are a total battleground for me, and usually a fight I end up losing! I generally go hungry, spend a lot of time around the food, eat my weight in fatty salads and desserts, and end up feeling like stuffed turkey. I just can't resist the abundance of free food!

I was worried about the party today... with the added pressure of taking care of the kids by myself, I knew it would be stressful and that I could end up on my knees at the end of the dessert table shoveling cookies into my open mouth.

I thought about it several times while we got ready. What was I going to do? I knew I needed a plan.

So, I packed a sack lunch. I figured everyone already knows I do Weight Watchers, so it wouldn't be too weird to see me pull out my yogurt and carrots... and even then, it's MY health we're talking about, right? So even if someone does think it's weird, or even stupid, that I packed my own lunch... who cares? I care much more about how I will feel afterward than whether someone is thinking that I'm a dork.

But, when we got to the party, I noticed that there were a few good options. There were four or more huge trays of vegetables with dip, some baked beans, and lots of water. I ended up with 1/2 a hot dog, about 1/2 cup of baked beans and a plate full of raw veggies and dip. It turned out great. I stayed away from the dessert table and drank a lot of water.

And actually, the stress of taking care of the kids took my attention off of the food, so that helped as well.

I don't think I've ever felt so in control or made such wise decisions in a situation like that before. I felt so empowered! I was so happy that I could be around all that food and consciously decide that I wasn't going to have any of it. It was a really great moment for me.

I cannot adequately describe how it feels to be in control of food and not the other way around. For so long I felt helpless in situations like the above... like I was helpless to control myself, like if I didn't eat until I was stuffed, I would not be truly satisfied.

It is wonderful, and freeing, and HIGHLY motivating to focus on a goal, plan ahead, and then follow through. Three stepping stones to success.

Yay, me! I feel SO proud.

BODY FOR LIFE!

2009-04-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Anybody out there up for a challenge? If you've seen or read anything about Body-for-Life, you know what I mean when I say challenge! I've had this book by Bill Phillips for years, I've even started the challenge several times but quit after a few weeks.

This time, I am ready!

I've done well with my weight loss, down almost 70 pounds, but I am really needing some inspiration to move forward with my goals. And I think Body-for-Life is it!

The challenge is 12 weeks long and includes workout plans and eating guidelines. It is very simple, but it takes commitment... and it is a definite challenge!

The workouts include intense strength training three days a week, high-intensity interval cardio 3 days a week, and a rest day the seventh. The good thing is these workouts aren't very long... about 45 minutes for strength and 20 minutes for cardio. It doesn't seem like a lot, but if you do it right, you will see results.

As far as eating goes, you have 5-6 small meals per day instead of 3 squares. Each meal consists of one portion of lean protein and one portion of carbohydrate, plus you add vegetables to two meals per day. It's a simple plan, really.

I'm excited about it because I really want to learn to feed my body with good, healthy food instead of feeding my emotions. I have lost a lot of weight, but I don't feel like I have really overcome emotional eating. I'm hoping that committing to this plan and sticking to it will help with that.

You can enter the challenge online at www.bodyforlife.com. Challenges run year-round and winners can receive up to $25,000! Wouldn't that be great!?!

I've read the book, I've taken some before pictures (I don't have the guts to post them yet! You'll have to wait until the after!), and I am ready.

Who's with me??

Continuous Effort

2009-04-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

Weigh-in this morning went well. I lost 1.6 lbs, bringing the total to 57.2 since joining Weight Watchers and 69.2 all together.

So why am I not happy with that?!? All morning long I've been asking myself why I'm not satisfied with that loss, and I think it's because my expectations were too high. I did really well this week, eating a balanced diet and I didn't eat all of my weekly points allowance (an extra 35) like I usually do. I thought that would translate into a bigger loss.

But, it didn't. Bummer.

As I get closer and closer to my goal I find myself getting more and more impatient. I need to remind myself that this journey is not a sprint, but a marathon, and often the last six miles are the hardest... and the slowest! I was hoping for a better number, but I am happy with 1.6. It's a loss, and that's what counts. Baby steps, right?

Someone wise once told me that "success is simply continuous effort". And how right he was. That's the key. If I make an unwise food choice, I eat better the next day. If I don't give my all in a workout, I work harder that next time. Whenever I fall, I get back up. That's what counts, and that's what will get me to my goal.

I taught a strength class this morning and as we were holding a 60-second full plank, I told them that a year ago I couldn't have held that plank for ten seconds, much less sixty! In fact, I did my first full plank in several years about 6 weeks ago, and it's amazing how far I've come since then. Continuous effort in exercise REALLY pays off!

Success for me now has much less to do with the scale and much more to do with how I feel about myself.

I can do anything! I feel strong, I feel capable, I feel proud.

And that's worth more to me than anything.

Getting So Close

2009-03-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

My weigh-in this week went great! I lost another 1.6, bringing the total since joining Weight Watchers to 56 lbs and the grand total is 68 lbs since January 2008!

I earned another 5 lb star and everyone clapped for me at the meeting. It is always nice to be recognized... although, almost every time it happens I start to cry. I don't know what it is, but it's very emotional for me. I just feel so proud of myself and so happy that I have taken control of my issues with food. I used to feel so helpless, like food controlled me, but now I rarely have that feeling. It's wonderful!

I am really missing Ben this weekend. Every time he goes away I seriously hate his job, the military, and everyone who is involved with deployments. If he could get a permanent non-deployable position, we would stay in the military forever. These deployments about kill me though. I just don't like it when he's away.

So, that was a sidenote... sorry about that! I just miss Ben a lot!

I am getting very close to my goal... I have only 8.8 lbs to go. Once I get there, I will see how I feel, and maybe go for a few more pounds. It would be nice to have a little bit of a cushion so that I don't have to be paranoid about weighing in. (Once you become a lifetime member, you can attend meetings for free, but you have to be within 2 pounds of your goal weight).

Oh... I almost forgot! Here's the deal of the week for everyone. Go to http://www.discountworkouts.com/, pick the workout DVD you want--they have everything: yoga, pilates, kickboxing, core, etc--at the checkout, enter the coupon code "youtube", and you'll get the DVD for FREE! You only have to pay $2.50 for handling. It's a fitness company based out of Utah that makes workout DVD's with just the instructor on a simple set to keep costs down. Most of their DVD's are only $7.98 and include two 60 minute workouts. What a deal! I can't wait for mine to come in the mail. (By the way, it doesn't say anywhere that you can only get one, so I tried it again and it worked! Who doesn't love a new workout DVD for only $2.50!)

Oh, and one more thing... did anyone watch The Biggest Loser last week? I can't believe they all ran 1/2 marathons! I was crying almost the whole time-- it was awesome--and so inspiring! And then at the elimination when Cathy went home so that Aubrey could stay... ! How great is that show? I hated the drama and backbiting of last season and I was about to give up on it, but this season has been great. It's a bunch of really nice people and it has definitely been a feel-good season. Who can forget when Mike gave up his prize of a year's worth of groceries and gave it to Aubrey (who has 5 kids at home). That was just awesome. I love when people do selfless things... priceless.

Everyone have a great week, and do something good for yourself!

Happy Anniversary!

2009-03-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

Wow... I've sure been lax on the blog lately! I have been so busy lately, the blog was one of the first things to go! I definitely have some updating to do!

Last month I celebrated two anniversaries: My 31st birthday, and my one year anniversary with Weight Watchers. My birthday was on the 15th and my WW anniversary was on the 16th. (Remember? Last year when I turned 30 I decided I was tired of being overweight and I was going to do something about it... for good this time!)

I am SO happy that I made that decision! I can't believe what a difference it has made for me! I was happy before--and I think it is important to point that out. Never at any time did my weight dictate my feelings about life in general. I have always known that I am important and valuable, no matter what my weight--and I hope that everyone feels that way. Weight is not the most important thing in life--that's for sure! However, for me, it was something that always bothered me and something that I really wanted to change.

I feel much more confident, less stressed, less worried about myself and how I look, and more able to give to those around me. In fact, this journey has even led me a to a job that I never thought I could have--Group Fitness Instructor! I was recently hired at a corporate fitness company called Fit in the City. I have always loved fitness and working out, but I never really thought I could be a part of the industry because I was overweight. I haven't reached my final weight goal, but I feel confident in my abilities to teach and I know that this job will help me to reach those goals. And most importantly, it's fun! What's better than getting paid to work out???

I am loving the changes in my body as well. I am starting to see definition in my arms (I can do REAL push-ups!) and some definite changes in my thighs (weight training is paying off!). It makes me feel really good that I have been able to follow through with my decision to change. I love being a healthy person!

Letting Go

2009-02-04T12:17:00.001-08:00

I forgot to post after the weigh-in last week... I was down another 2.4! It was a great week all together. I got in the 8 Good Health Guidelines (5 fruits and vegetables, 2 tsp of healthy oil, whole grains, proteins, 2 milk servings, limit sugar and alcohol, exercise) every single day and I just felt great! I counted every single point and I knew that I would lose. I also had some really great workouts.

This week is going okay... we went out to eat at Olive Garden last night and it didn't go as well as usual. Olive Garden is one of those places where I can usually eat really well, but last night was stressful because Sammy was in a really bad mood and screamed almost the whole time. Between trying to keep him quiet and still enjoying the dinner, I basically pounded some serious food without even thinking about it! When we left I was absolutely stuffed and I felt TERRIBLE!!

I did my best to add up the points, but I can't be totally sure about how much I ate. That's how little attention I paid to it. Anyway, I think I'm still in my points, or maybe over just a little bit. I seem to follow a pattern of losing every other week anyway, and after the nice loss last week, I'm not expecting anything spectacular on Friday. We'll see!

Two other things to mention... my wedding ring is officially too big. It's constantly rolling around my finger and it's been loose for weeks now, but this morning it actually fell off while I was washing dishes. Good thing the drain was plugged! I'm not sure what to do. I definitely don't want to lose it, but I'm scared to have it resized.

Why am I scared, you ask? I'm scared of going back! It's the same fear that's making me hold on to the huge pile of clothes in my closet that doesn't fit anymore. I just can't seem to let go of them! I am terrified that one day I'm just going to decide that keeping up with all of this is too hard and I'll just let myself go right back to where I was when I started--and then I won't have any clothes to wear!

I know I've got to face this fear sooner or later, but right now I'm focusing on getting the weight off-- and that pile of clothes in the closet is kind of a comfort to me. It reminds me of where I came from, and in some small way it feuls my desire to reach my goal. I don't want to wear those clothes ever again!

Ugh

2009-01-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

Disappointed.

That's how I'm feeling this morning. I did well this week, stayed in my points and I exercised A LOT . . . so there is absolutely NO reason why I should have gained .4 at the weigh-in today.

What a bummer.

Fortunately we talked about emotional eating at the meeting today, which, based on my last post, is something I really need help with.

Yeah, I didn't go over my points, but I didn't spend them very wisely either. Pizza one night, a Sam's Club hot dog another day. . . after several meals I ended up overly full. Not exactly the recipe for weight-loss success.

BUT, it's another week . . . right? My success or failure hinges on whether I learn from this week or whether I let it get me down.

I'm not letting it get me down, no sir. I'm disappointed, sure, but it's time to move on.

Here's to a full week of eating for hunger ONLY.

Say it with me now... "If hunger is not the problem then food is not the answer."

Still Learning

2009-01-22T18:40:00.000-08:00

Frustration.

That's what I'm feeling.

It's not because I've been unsuccessful . . . I have been successful. This week, though, has opened my eyes to the fact that I'm still learning . . . and sometimes, I go against the things I already know to be true.

For example, I know that pizza is my personal adversary, my mortal enemy to weight loss . . . pizza can throw me off of a good eating day faster than anything, and it is virtually impossible to stop eating it! If there is pizza still available, I will eat until I am busting at the seams.

And all the while there is a little voice in the back of my head screaming, "No! Not pizza! You know you can't defeat pizza!" This voice knows that pizza destroys my resolve and leaves me wanting to eat even more--usually ice cream!

Why can't I stay away from pizza? I'm really not sure. I guess a part of me doesn't want to be deprived of anything and pizza is a food I really love.

And it's not just pizza . . . other junk foods have a hold on me that I still haven't been able to break . . . french fries, cheeseburgers, chicken nuggets, pop tarts. Thankfully, I don't have these foods all that often, but when I am faced with them, I usually eat way more than I wanted and end up feeling defeated.

This week there have been several meals that have left me feeling defeated--not because I went over on my points, but because I ate until I was stuffed and uncomfortable. I have felt this week like I was eating for something more than hunger . . . and I'm just not sure what other void I was trying to fill.

My weigh-in is tomorrow and based on my tracking and exercise this week, I should be expecting a loss although I'm not feeling it. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised . . . you never know.

This week I've got to work on eating for hunger . . . I read a quote this week in a magazine that said, "If you're not hungry, you shouldn't be eating." So simple, really.

That will be my goal for this week:

To identify hunger and satisfy it, and to examine my feelings when I determine it's not hunger and figure out what I can do to satisfy that need.

Bothered...

2009-01-19T17:12:00.001-08:00

Does anyone else get bothered when January rolls around and all the advertisements start promising surefire weight loss, a magic pill, the quick solution to all your weight loss problems? I sure do! Sure enough, every January, every internet sidebar and dozens of TV commercials start making outrageous promises, all counting on the fact that a desperate public will fork over the dough for a magic solution. I honestly get SO mad when I hear the words, "Eat whatever you want, no exercise required!" Yesterday the sidebar on my email had a dramatic before and after picture of a woman saying: "I lost 46 pounds in two weeks!" What did she do, buy a tapeworm?

It just infuriates me to no end that big companies try to dupe people into buying products that will do nothing for them. And believe me, I know this from experience! I've been on the pills, prescription and non... and while they do work for a while, that's not something you can do for the rest of your life! And where is the information about the side effects? It's so frustrating to me!

I'm so grateful to Weight Watchers--so grateful that it's something totally doable and it fits into my everyday life. I CAN eat anything I want... in moderation, of course. I get frustrated when any diet plan/program tries to cut out entire food groups (Yes, I've done Atkins!) or even sweets... like I'm never going to have a bowl of ice cream again? Yeah, right.

I'm not sure where this post is going, but I just wanted to express my frustration with quick fixes--especially because they get into my head and tempt me to try them! There is NO quick fix. To lose weight and keep it off you must expend more calories than you consume . . . day after day, year after year.

Does anyone else get bugged by this?

Just Do It

2009-01-19T15:41:00.000-08:00

I really haven't been very good at updating the blog lately! I got in the vacation mindset over Christmas break and I haven't been able to get back in the swing of things! Speaking of Christmas, the holidays didn't have a huge impact on my weight loss since I was sick that week, but I managed to make up for that by squandering that loss the next two weeks. Unfortunately, I felt like I had somehow been robbed of indulgence and I overate for two weeks running, gaining back all but .6 lbs of the weight I lost Christmas week. Thankfully, I was able to stop the bleeding this week and come back strong with a 4 pound loss, to hit my lowest weight yet.

I have had a lot of random thoughts lately about this weight loss journey. Becoming a slim (or slimmer) person has really changed a lot of preconceived notions I once had. Having been overweight pretty much my entire life, I always figured that thin people just had it easy... I knew people who could eat pretty much whatever they wanted and not gain an ounce. I don't know about you, but that always made me mad! Honestly, though, I think those people are pretty few and far between.

I have a couple of friends, two in particular, who are very thin, but who still make a concerted effort to eat well and exercise--I really love that! I used to think, "Oh, she doesn't even have to try!" But now I know better. I know that a person can be very thin and still be VERY out of shape, and a person can carry a few extra pounds and be very fit. It's been an eye-opening experience.

You know one of the best parts about losing weight? The compliments. There is just nothing better than having someone recognize your hard work with a compliment... I sincerely appreciate every single compliment, and they never get old.

I also overcame a personal obstacle in the past few weeks. I have wanted to teach aerobics for a long time now... it's something I enjoy and always felt like I would be good at. I have a friend who has encouraged me, but I always felt self-conscious with the extra weight. I figure who wants to take a fitness class from someone who isn't fit? Well, I have finally become comfortable enough in my skin to get over my self-consciousness and I am working on getting hired at a local gym! It's just such a good feeling to want something and to go out and get it.

So to everyone who has been held back for one reason or another, if there's something you want to accomplish, don't let anything hold you back. Whoever you are, whatever you want to do, you can do it! If I can do it, you can do it!

2008--Year in Review

2009-01-01T06:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I always love the beginning of a new year. Each year when I transfer my information from my old planner to the new, I go over my resolutions from the past year and make new goals for the new one. Of course there are always resolutions that went out the window the second week in January . . . BUT, I am so proud that in 2008 I kept one of my major resolutions and during the past 12 months I have lost 60 pounds!!

I can't even count the number of times I have tried to lose weight in the past--I have tried off and on since I was 12 years old. I have lost and gained, lost and gained, struggled, cried, planned, starved, binged and "dieted" FOREVER!

This time it was different.

I turned 30 in 2008 and I just knew it was my year. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from reaching my goal. And I didn't.

I joined Weight Watchers on Feb. 16, the day after my birthday, and I have missed only one meeting (we were in St. John, USVI) since then.

I struggled with the same five pounds for almost 8 weeks during the summer, but I kept going back.

I have gained several times, once a pattern of every other week almost made me crazy, but I kept going back.

I have lost and gained, lost and gained, struggled, cried, and planned, but I have not starved, binged or "dieted"!

And I kept going back.

Last weeks weigh-in was a day-after-Christmas present with a loss of 3.2! Don't mistake me for a super hero of self-discipline, though . . . I had the stomach flu all week long, so the holiday treats weren't nearly as tempting as usual. I have fallen off the wagon this week and let some of my tracking slide, so I'm definitely not expecting a loss at weigh-in tomorrow. I'm hoping for only a small gain that I can get under control quickly next week.

I am getting closer to my weight goal, only 17 pounds to go!

Here is the past year in pictures:

January 2008 -- Ben got out the saws-all to chop up a ham bone last year. I hated this picture at the time, but now I can appreciate the humor in it! Me at my heaviest.

February 2008 -- Ben's Airman Leadership School graduation.

June 2008 -- Me and Sammy

July 2008 -- Family vacation to Utah

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008 -- At the pumpkin patch

December 21, 2008 -- Sammy's first birthday

December 2008 -- lowest weight since 2002

M I A

2008-12-23T20:32:00.001-08:00

I've been missing in action since Ben came home from his deployment the beginning of this month. I love when he comes home, of course, but it really messes up the routine! It's easy to let things like working out and eating well slip when you're celebrating every day. . . and when you have four weeks of vacation!

My weigh-ins the past three weeks have been good. . . up and down, but an overall loss. On 12/5 I lost 1.4, on 12/12 I gained 1 and on 12/19 I lost 1.6.

Today was not the best eating day! We celebrated my baby's first birthday this week and I passed on the birthday cake, but after dealing with croup, food poisoning and stomach flu this week, when I saw the cake sitting on the stove today, I ate a HUGE piece without even thinking twice about it. I let other treats get the best of me as well and I completely lost track of my points. I attempted to salvage the day with a late evening workout at the gym, so hopefully that will help.

I'm not letting the bad day today get me down, I'll just try to do better tomorrow. And if I see a gain this week, it's okay . . . I'll work on it next week. Christmas is only once a year!

Giving Thanks...

2008-11-28T18:00:00.000-08:00

. . . for FOUR pounds lost this week! That's actually a combination of a fluke gain last week and the loss this week. Last week the scale showed a gain of 1.8, which I just knew was not right. I had a bigger meal on Thursday night because we went to a party, and I'm sure it was just water retention from the salt in all the barbecued pork I ate! Either way, I don't really care, because I was down FOUR pounds this week and I'm just ecstatic!

I'm also giving thanks today for all those people who support me in this journey. First and foremost is Ben--my husband and best friend. He's so helpful and supportive of me. I know I can always tell him what I'm struggling with and he'll help me out. If I say I don't feel like working out, he'll encourage me to just walk on the treadmill... "It'll make you feel better, " he'll say. He stays on top of my weekly weigh-ins even from halfway around the world when he's deployed. He always knows when my meeting is and makes sure to call me and ask how it went. If I'm having a hard time he reminds me how far I've come and how capable I am of moving forward. I love him so much and I'm so grateful for him.

I'm thankful for my supportive friends . . . My friend Dayna had us over for Thanksgiving dinner and she made sure that there were vegetable trays and lots of good food choices. She accommodated me in every way--held the baby so I could eat and enjoy adult conversation--made sure that her older kids entertained my younger ones--just basically made what was a very hard day for me so much easier.

For my leader, Nancy. She has this incredible talent of making everyone in the room feel like they're the most important person there. She's wonderful and entertaining and she keeps me coming back week after week. She is real and genuine and knowing that someone who cares is waiting by the scale every week is a huge motivator.

For my mom and mother-in-law who call for weekly updates and congratulate my success.

For my friends who comment regularly on the blog . . . Thank you so much. It means so much to know that there are others who understand, who have felt the way I do (good and bad!) and who care enough to read my rantings and ravings about the weight-loss battle. I appreciate you and you give me strength! I love you all.

So much to be thankful for!

The Biggest Loser--I can't believe they didn't vote out Vicky!!

2008-11-19T06:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of my readers actually watch The Biggest Loser, but I love it! I don't really care for any of the drama, but I love to see the last five minutes when they show the before and afters.

Anyway, this season, the drama has gotten out of control and this one woman, Vicky, is turning out to be really mean and awful! I just CANNOT believe that when they had the opportunity to vote her out last night THEY DIDN'T DO IT! It all came down to Amy's decision (and this is the person Vicky had been railing on all week long because she caused the elimination of Vicky's husband) and she voted Coleen out instead!! I WAS SO MAD!

Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest. If this Vicky person wins, the show will be ruined forever for me!

Great Breakfast Idea

2008-11-19T06:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, this sounded gross to me at first, but I tried it anyway, and it's really good!

Try cottage cheese with sliced bananas and sugar-free or light syrup. It's really tasty! Not only that, but it's also quick and easy to prepare. In fact, it's quickly becoming my six-year-old's favorite breakfast (after toaster waffles, of course). He can stay in bed a few minutes longer when he opts for this breakfast.

I got the idea out of the Eating For Life book by Bill Phillips--the same guy who wrote Body for Life. It's a great way to get a milk serving with protein and a fruit! You hit three of the Good Health Guidelines in one meal--yay!

I beat the chocolate!

2008-11-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

My weigh-in on Friday went VERY well! I knew I would have a loss because I had a good week, but I didn't expect 2.8 lbs! It was awesome! I got clapped for again and I got another 5-lb star to put on my bookmark. Ever since I got rid of the Halloween chocolate things have gone pretty well. Hopefully someday I'll learn to deal with candy and chocolate, but for right now I think my best course is to just stay away from it.

Now I'm gearing up for the holidays, starting with Thanksgiving. I love the holiday season and all the good feelings that come with it, but without fail, every year, I end up feeling terrible--fat and bloated-- and I gain several pounds. I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT THIS YEAR!! I'm not sure what my plan of attack is yet, but I'm working on it.

I think Thanksgiving will be easier than usual for several reasons this year.

1) Ben's not here, so there's less to celebrate.

2) I won't be cooking.

3) Since I'm not cooking there won't be any leftover pie or heavy casseroles to eat up my points.

4) Thanksgiving is on Thursday. That's the day before my weigh-in so I'm always more aware of how I eat that day. I don't want to ruin the whole week for just one meal.

5) I have come so far, I'm not willing to lose my momentum now--holidays or not. I'm determined to enjoy the day and the meal and to stay on plan.

Stress + Chocolate = More Stress

2008-11-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

Geez. What a day. It starts out fine, I am feeling good, determined to have a healthy eating day--fasting, in fact, hoping for some needed spiritual strength. Church is nice. A friend of mine holds the baby most of the first hour and that is really wonderful. The rest of church is spent out in the hallway with Sammy, but at least the kids get to go to their classes. (Someday I will enjoy church again.)

Anyway, after church things quickly unravel. I break my fast with about ten snack size chocolate bars--really smart, I know, but in the moment I wasn't worrying about being smart. Then we have dinner. During dinner, my mother-in-law calls and as we chat, Carli dumps over her glass of milk and while I get the cloth to wipe it up, she and Eli decide to paint with it. They both put their hands in it and wipe it all over the counter. Well, I lose it. Start yelling, crying, being utterly ridiculous. I slam down the phone, hanging up on Jane, pleading with the kids to please give me a break. They both start crying, Carli telling me I scare her, Eli asking me why I yell so loud. Man. What am I turning into? I'm mad at myself for overreacting, so I wolf down some more chocolate.

Then Ben calls and I let him have it. I am in the throes of a major pity party and I can't seem to break out of it. I just really don't like this crying, complaining, self-pitying version of myself. Why do other women seem so put together when I feel like I'm always a step away from completely falling apart?

I think I have the answer: Stress + Chocolate. This combination does nothing for me. I eat the chocolate (lots of chocolate), I feel guilty and depressed, I take out my frustration on people around me (the kids this time), and then I feel guilty and depressed. It's a vicious circle.

After the milk incident, I get a hold of myself and we play Chutes-n-Ladders and Tag You're It. I figure I've already ruined this day eating-wise, so I just grab the whole bowl of candy and have at it (that makes so much sense, I know!). At seven I put Sammy in bed and get on the phone for a conference call with my family. At eight, I end the call and take Eli and Carli up for bed--it's then I realize why Carli was so well occupied when I was on the phone. She discovered a brand new tube of concealer in my room and decorated her bedroom carpet and bedspread with it. I am stunned. Furious. I'm not sure what to do, but I handle it about as terribly as possible. I yell. I rail. I spank. Poor Carli cries her eyes out and when I go back up to her room to reassure her that I'm not mad anymore and that I still love her, she is all curled up, fast asleep and the blanket around her chin is soaked through with her tears. I hold her and tell her how much I love her even though she is sleeping soundly.

Motherhood is rife with regret, and this has been one of those regretful days. It's a good thing, as Miss Stacey says in Anne of Avonlea, that "tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." I really need a clean slate.

Tomorrow morning the chocolate leaves the house! My goal for the day is to just calm down. None of these things are really that big of a deal. I'm overreacting like crazy and I've got to stop. In twenty years I won't care if there is still a concealer stain on the carpet, but I will care how my kids remember I treated them. That is more important than anything.

Oh Halloween...how I detest thee.

2008-11-01T20:52:00.001-07:00

No, that's not true, I don't detest Halloween. In fact, I love Halloween! I remember going trick-or-treating as a kid and just loving the feel of all that heavy candy in my bag! And knowing that it was all MINE! I have always been a quantity person and being able to gorge myself on candy and sweets was very comforting to me--and still is at times. Unfortunately, gorging yourself on candy isn't the healthiest way to comfort yourself. I'm still not sure what exactly I was looking for, but I sure didn't find it in that bag of candy.

When my kids came in last night and we surveyed the damage I couldn't believe the amount of candy on the counter. We separated all the different types of candy (you know, the good stuff in one pile and the okay stuff in another). There were at least FIVE pounds of chocolate bars--Twix, Reese's, Milky Way, M&M's, etc. Unbelievable! My kids are only 6 and 3 years old--what are they ever going to do with that amount of candy?

I had been pumping myself up all day, telling myself that I would have a few favorites and leave it at that. But after a stressful night of trying to get costumes right, holding Sammy every minute because he would not stop crying, running from the church party to the neighborhood trick-or-treat and missing dinner myself, I just lost it. Before I even knew what had happened, I was opening snack size bars and downing them like a contestant on Survivor!

I finally regained control, put the candy away and got the kids in bed. I called a babysitter and arranged to go to the step class on base to make up for some of the damage.

The step class was great this morning, but as soon as I stepped foot back in the house, I was acutely aware of the five pounds of chocolate bars sitting on top of the fridge. I had some babysitting courtesy of the Air Force this afternoon, so I took that time to get a manicure and clean the house. After cleaning, I was alone in the house and missing Ben so much that it hurt. Darn the military for taking him away from me for months at a time--without the ability to call or talk to him when I need him. So, what did I do? I grabbed the chocolate and downed I-don't- even-know-how-many-points in chocolate. Yeah, that was smart.

Things that I have learned today:

Halloween is fun, but the stress of the candy isn't. It's leaving the house tomorrow.
Fitting in an extra workout makes you feel better after you over-indulge.
Chocolate doesn't make me miss Ben any less.

THREE POUNDS!!

2008-11-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

I JUST HAVE TO DO THIS POST ALL IN CAPS-- I LOST THREE POUNDS THIS WEEK! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THAT'S MY SECOND HIGHEST LOSS EVER--EVER!!

Okay, I'll stop yelling now--but I am still quite excited! I worked hard for that loss, and I was so happy to see it come off. I really feel like my body has changed the past couple of weeks. I'm starting to see some tone in my arms--finally the strength training is paying off! And I've lost inches all over. It's nice to be slowly moving back into clothes I haven't worn in more than a year. I passed my pre-baby weight about 9 pounds ago, so that's a big milestone--and now I'm heading towards my goal.

I'm proud of myself for not giving up. This journey is teaching me so many things--not the least of which is endurance. I have been imagining how it will feel to be thin and healthy for so many years, I can't wait to actually experience it for real. I'll get there, one pound at a time (or THREE if I can have another week like this one!).

Under 200!

2008-10-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yay! After a loss of 1.6 at the weigh-in today I'm finally under 200! That road block has been up for quite a while and I'm so glad I made it through! There were several times I wanted to give up because it seemed to hard to get rid of those five pounds. I'm glad I stayed with it. I've seen losses for three weeks in a row now and I'm feeling good. My next goal is 190--then I'll be lower than I've been for five years!

The meeting today was awesome--motivational and helpful. We talked about emotional eating and Nancy put up a great quote:

"If hunger is not the problem, eating is not the answer."

Isn't that the truth? I posted just yesterday about that cheesecake that I ate without even really enjoying it--and I was definitely NOT hungry. Goal for this week--think about the food before I eat it and make sure I'm eating for the right reasons.

Oh, and my sister has started Weight Watchers... she has been super successful in the past and I know she will this time too. It's SO nice to have someone who really understands--and who shares my genes! She has been really helpful to me this week with solutions to problems and motivation to keep going. Thanks Renée!

2008-10-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

With my husband leaving on a deployment this past week, I didn't even think to post about the weigh-in last Friday--I was too busy trying to soak up every last minute with him!

Last week was good--I saw a modest loss of 1.2 lbs, so I'm FINALLY over the hump I've been stuck on for weeks now. Yay!

Weigh-in is tomorrow morning and I'm not sure what will happen. I went overboard over the weekend because my mother-in-law was here and she spoiled us with eating out--I just couldn't pass on the pumpkin cheesecake at the Olive Garden--they only have it once a year! Unfortunately, while I was eating it I realized that it wasn't really all that good, but even that didn't stop me from eating the whole thing. I've got to start thinking when I'm eating--especially desserts. I tend to decide on a dessert and then eat it without thinking if I'm actually enjoying it or not.

So, after pizza at Old Chicago and cheesecake at Olive Garden, I had blown all my weekly allowance points plus some. That was Saturday . . . since then, I've been super strict and had great workouts. I even did an extra 60 minutes of cardio tonight during Survivor. Sooo, maybe I'll still see a loss tomorrow. I've been working on this same five pounds for so long, it sure would be great to finally get that five-pound star and have everyone clap for me. Here's hoping!

Finally!

2008-10-10T11:52:00.000-07:00

Finally the scale was nice to me this week! I had a loss of 1.4 lbs, which I'm very happy with. It wasn't huge, but I've had to learn over and over that this journey is "baby steps" not leaps and bounds (think Bill Murray in "What About Bob").

If I get too impatient, I start stressing out about small losses and plateaus and it makes me freak out! I start wondering what I'm doing wrong and how I can speed up the process. I keep having to remind myself (over and over!) that I'm not doing ANYTHING wrong, I'm just living! There was no way I was going to pass on the homemade clam chowder this week, I just tried not to eat 2 quarts of it.

Anyway, hopefully I'm over the set-backs that have plagued me the past few weeks. I'm back down to my lowest weight and I'm going to work hard for a loss this week--however big or small!

Soup's on!

2008-10-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

My meeting was nice today, we talked about Soup! I love soup! Fall is a great season for soup and there's nothing like a big pot of something yummy simmering on the stove. Eli (my six-year-old) will be the first to tell you that Split Pea Soup is his favorite food. We've been known to have it in the middle of summer just to satisfy him.

Here are some of my favorite recipes:

White Bean Chicken Chili(I usually omit the butter or use just a couple of teaspoons)

Beef Macaroni Soup

Smoky Pinto Bean Soup (I add 1 c. chopped carrots, 1 c. chopped zucchini and 1/2 cup honey barbecue sauce at the same time as the tomatoes--and I only use half or even less of the bacon it calls for. You don't need much bacon to get all the flavor.)

Nana's Pea Soup
1 ham bone or 2 smoked ham hocks
4 quarts water, more if needed
1 bay leaf
1 medium onion, whole and unpeeled
1 Tbsp salt
2 lbs split peas
2 large carrots (I sometimes use more)
3 medium potatoes
1 Tbsp salt
Cubed ham (optional--well, not in my family)

Combine bone, water, bay leaf, onion,salt and peas in a large pot. Bring to a boil, then simmer gently for 2-3 hours. Once the peas are mushy and the soup is thick, remove the ham hock, onion and bay leaf. Add the carrots, potatoes and salt. Simmer until the vegetables are very tender. Add some leftover ham if you have it and heat through. Makes a huge pot and freezes well.

Broccoli Cheese Soup
1 can cheddar cheese soup
1 can 98% fat-free broccoli cheese soup
1 pkg frozen broccoli, thawed
3 1/2 cups 1% milk
2 cups frozen hashbrowns
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup low-fat cheddar cheese (optional)
cubed ham (optional)

In a large saucepan, combine all ingredients. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer until broccoli reaches desired tenderness. Add cheddar cheese as desired. Serve with croutons and additional cheese or bacon bits. YUM!

I have figured out the points values for most of these soups, but I'm not including them because sometimes I'm lazy and I just round the numbers--I don't want to upset anyone if they get different numbers. If you want the points values that I use or have any questions about the recipes, please email me: benandluella@netzero.net. Enjoy!

Ugh.

2008-09-27T06:05:00.001-07:00

Do you ever just not want to talk about it? That's how I feel today. I opened a new post last night and I just sat and stared at the screen. I just don't want to talk about it (but of course, now that I've started typing, I guess I will talk about it. =) ).

My weigh-in wasn't awful, but it wasn't good either. It was to be expected after eating pretty much off-plan in St. John, but I thought I had made up for it in the five days since we got home. Nope.

Argh. I'm bummed and I feel frustrated. I'm having jealousy issues--looking at people around me and wondering why I can't look like that--why I can't be that thin, why I can't have those legs or that waist, or those toned arms (ARMS! I hate them!). Stupid, I know. Yet, those feelings keep coming to me and I find myself harboring ill-well towards people I don't even know!

Last night the Cookie Dough Demon almost got to me--I was SO close to making a whole batch and downing half of it on the spot. Thankfully, I got out my food journal instead and took stock of the day, realizing that if I did the cookie dough thing, I would ruin a perfectly healthy day. I got busy on the computer instead and caught up the family blog about our trip to St. John. Victory.

Next goal: Stop comparing myself to others and wishing for the Magic Makeover Fairy to swoop down and instantly change all the things I don't like about my body. Even the person I think looks most perfect has something she would like to change about her body. Don't we all?

Good news: I'm not giving up. I sure am frustrated, but hopefully I can channel that frustration into determination and make progress towards my goal.

Frustrated, but determined. Wow, not talking about it sure does help sometimes (hee,hee)!

St. John

2008-09-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

View of Coral Bay from the Villa tower.

We finally made it to St. John after a pretty grueling trip (see my other blog for more detail), and it is just as beautiful as everyone said it would be. I didn't have time to post about my weigh-in on Friday before we left, so I'm catching up now.

Nancy (my leader) wasn't at the meeting, so that's always a disappointment. I had a loss of .4, which isn't great, but considering the week I had, it was a miracle! I didn't eat too terribly bad, but I just really struggled. I ate a lot--so a loss was pretty surprising.

I didn't give much thought or planning as to eating on this vacation, I just know that vacations in general are difficult for anyone trying to eat well! So far, though, it's been easy! It's so hot and humid here, you just want to guzzle water all day long. I think I average about two gallons a day. You can't drink the tap water--it's just redirected rain water, and water is a huge commodity on the island. There are signs all over the place saying "Water is the Gold of the Caribbean, please conserve!" It's $2.00 for a bottle of water, but you can buy it in gallons by the case for much cheaper than that. There isn't much that is cheap on the island though--that's another reason why this has been easier than most vacations--there isn't a huge abundance of food laying around. Food is very expensive--I mean EX-PEN-SIVE! The other day we bought one pound of turkey deli meat, one pound of swiss cheese, strawberry jam, peanut butter, bread, diapers (28 pack), baby carrots, and yogurt and the bill was $78!!! A gallon of milk runs you about $7 and cereal is around 8 bucks a box. It's ridiculous. I know it's a bit relative cause people here make more money, but good grief! It's enough to give a tourist cardiac arrest at the market!

Dinner with the private chef.

So, in an effort to not spend our entire life savings on this one trip, we have been eating very sensibly. A small bowl of cereal or yogurt and a banana for breakfast, a sandwich and carrots for lunch, and dinner of chicken or pork tenderloin, potatoes, broccoli, and pineapple.

Snorkeling in Newfound Bay.

Another plus has been the activity level of this trip. The first day we spent at the beach playing in the water, and yesterday we went sailing and snorkeling, and then swam in the pool after dinner. It's been awesome so far, and we've got 5 days left!

One of the highlights of the trip so far was a surprise Dru had for us last night. He hired his friend and private chef, Ted, to come to the villa and cook a gourmet meal for us. It was amazing! He brought super fresh and local food and it was all delicious. I didn't stuff myself, but I had some of everything, including the dessert, and I didn't give it a second thought. That's probably the only time in my entire life that I'll have a professional chef cook for me. For appetizers we had focaccia bread with sweet basil, tomatoes and mozzarella, roasted-corn fritters with avocado creme fraiche and romesco sauce and marinated shrimp grilled on cedar planks. The main course was filet mignon, fresh marinated tuna steaks, roasted tomatoes w/mozzarella and bread crumb topping, portobello mushrooms with wilted spinach and red onions, roasted asparagus, grilled zucchini, field greens with lemon vinaigrette and smashed, roasted potatoes with white truffle oil. For the kids there was gourmet macaroni and cheese and grilled chicken (Ben loved the mac-n-cheese too!). For dessert we had chocolate ganache torte with strawberries and lemon basil dressed with aged balsamic vinegar. It was fantastic! I especially loved the viaigrette and field greens and the asparagus. The corn fritters were my favorite appetizer.

What a treat! It was so fun to have a real chef come and cook for us--and I didn't spend a single moment thinking about the points value of anything I ate!

Just Can't Get NO....

2008-09-09T16:29:00.001-07:00

Satisfaction! I swear, I just cannot get my fill today. I feel like a bottomless pit! This tends to happen to me whenever I put a deadline on a certain weight or make a goal for weight loss that I really have no control over. I am forever learning in this process--my body will not be rushed.

I had big ideas of losing 2.4 lbs this week to make it to 200, and it's making me crazy. There is something psychological that happens to me when I start to tell myself that I have to be a certain weight at a certain time . . . it backfires! All of the sudden, all I want to do is eat, and the peanut butter starts calling to me from behind the cupboard doors--I can eat a full days worth of points in seconds flat.

It's good to have goals--really good, but a goal you can't control? There is no "If I try hard enough, for sure I will lose ___ pounds this week." There have been weeks when I did everything right, did not eat my weekly points allowance, and worked out twice a day, and still I saw only a small loss. There are too many variables in this experiment to be able to guess the weekly outcome. THEREFORE, I vow to stop making number goals. That is, I'm not going to put a deadline on my weight loss. I'm in it for the long haul, some weeks will be small losses, some will be big, but number goals are out.

Phew. I feel better. The pressure was getting to me, and it was manifesting itself in small bouts of binge eating . . . a few chocolate chip cookies, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a handful of goldfish--all things I don't eat on a regular basis. My points were gone today by 4 pm! I'm glad the pressure's off and I can go back to doing the best I can--staying on plan, eating well and not sweating the numbers.

My goal for the rest of this week: Stay on plan, journal every point, stay positive and gear up for St. John eating challenges (It's gonna be hard--I'll need all the willpower I can get!)

Where does the time go?

2008-09-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is Monday and I haven't even posted about last week! The weigh-in on Friday was successful, a .6 lb loss. I always have to tell myself that .6 is more than half a pound, cause when you say .6, it sure doesn't sound like a lot! I've said before though, a loss is a loss, no matter how big or small. I would have liked to see a bigger loss, but that's okay, I'll just keep at it this week. My goal is still in sight... under 200 for the trip to St. John. We leave on Friday, but not until the evening, so I'll still be able to go to my meeting. I have to lose 2.4 to make the goal . . . I'm going to try hard, but after cookie dough last night I might have to throw in a couple of extra workouts!

One at a Time

2008-08-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

Yay for me... one more pound lost this week! That means my goal of under 200 is really in sight. I'm within 3 pounds of the 100's and I'm hoping to reach it before we leave for St. John (Yes, as in the Virgin Islands... Ben's brother and his girlfriend live there and with some help from Ben's parents, we're all going to visit him--sort of a family reunion island style! We get to stay in this incredible villa (check it out: Starlit Escape) and we are going to have so much fun playing at the beach! They say the snorkeling is amazing, although the ocean kind of freaks me out. Maybe it won't be so scary when I can actually see through the water. I'll definitely try it, no matter what!)

Anyway, it was a good week and I'll take my one pound loss. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't a gain, so I'm happy! I continue to really enjoy the Weight Watchers meetings, it's really fun to see the same faces and to get to know everyone's names. It's motivating to me to see others be successful.

I saw a really great fridge magnet recently and I copied it down. It reads:

The 10 Principles of Healthy Living

Breathe Deeply
Drink Water
Sleep Peacefully
Eat Nutritiously
Enjoy Activity
Give and Receive Love
Be Forgiving
Practice Gratitude
Develop Acceptance
Develop a Relationship with God

Pretty succinct . . . take care of yourself, take care of others, and remember the One who gave you everything. That about covers it!

Last week in the meeting Nancy had asked a question about how weight loss changes you, and I commented that for me weight loss is much more than a superficial thing. Sure, it's nice to fit into smaller clothes, to be more stylish, and just to look better all around, but above all of that, it is wonderful to feel better. I find that as I lose weight, I actually begin to think less about myself and more about others. I'm much more comfortable in social situations--not thinking so much about how I look or how fat I am or what other people are thinking of me. I'm becoming more comfortable with myself, so I spend far less energy thinking about what others think of me and much more energy thinking about what I can do for others. It's a great thing to let go of the fear and self-doubt and to feel like you have the freedom and the ability to help those around you. Weight loss is much more than losing pounds on the scale, it's gaining a new perspective on myself and the power I have to change the world--my world.

(One more pound!! Yay me!)

Drumroll Please . . .

2008-08-22T15:32:00.000-07:00

I got on the scale today knowing that something was seriously wrong if I didn't see a loss! I followed the plan completely this week, trying very hard to follow the 8 Good Health Guidelines, and to journal all of my points. Fortunately, the scale showed a loss of 3.4 pounds! Count 'em: THREE POINT FOUR!!! I feel today like I received my just rewards. Yay for me!

Time for another picture

2008-08-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

Well, seeing as I haven't had the best success on the scale lately, I'm having to look at other results to help my motivation. Ben took the picture of me in the black dress last weekend, but I think it's much more dramatic with a before picture to compare it to.

February 2008

August 2008

It's VERY nice to see a difference! The scale is not always the best measurement--and I'm not going to let it get me down.

Well, Crap.

2008-08-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

Damn, damn, damn. I don't usually swear, in fact, I can't really do it. Once in the heat of an argument with Ben I told him he was being an a**hole and right then the argument was over because he busted up laughing! So, the swearing is proof of my frustration right now. I was so happy about my 2.4 lb loss last week . . . I had finally broken through the slump--and now I have to report a stupid 2.6 lb gain!! How frustrating is that?

I got an email yesterday from an old friend asking me how I stay so positive . . . unfortunately, I'm not feeling so positive today! I'm not giving up, that's for sure, but I certainly don't feel extra motivated. I'm racking my brain thinking about this week and what I did wrong. The biggest concern I can think of is that I was not very stringent about journaling this week. There were a couple of days when it was past lunchtime before I actually recorded what I had eaten that day. That's probably not very smart. It's just too easy to put things in your mouth and then forget you ate them!

I exercised pretty well, although my knee is bugging me (surgery coming up on October 9th), so I didn't push myself like I usually do. I like to exercise, and I try to get in a workout at least five out of seven days, but I find that my food choices make a much bigger difference than my workouts. I like to feel like I'm building muscle tone and I'm trying really hard to rid myself of the "muffin top", so the exercise definitely makes a difference in body composition. I firmly believe that a person can be extremely thin and yet completely out of shape. That's not my goal, so I work hard to get enough exercise. For me though, the exercise is about 15% of the equation and food choices are 85%. I see much better results when I make better food choices.

So, my goals for this week are to journal faithfully--to count every single thing I put in my mouth. At meetings I've heard that "BLT's" (bites, licks and tastes) can make a big difference. Also I'm going to work harder on meeting the 8 Good Health Guidelines which are:

Eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily
Choose whole-grain foods whenever possible
Include 2 servings of milk products each day
Drink at least 6 glasses of water each day
Have some healthy oil each day (2 tsp of olive, canola, safflower or flaxseed oil).
Make sure you get enough protein (2 servings each day)
Limit added sugar and alcohol
Take a multi-vitamin each day

Oh! I thought of one more thing . . . I've been buying the 100-calorie pack snacks lately, for me and for the kids, and this week I definitely ate too many of them. They're supposed to be an every-once-in-a-while snack and I've been eating a few a day. That's definitely abuse of the 100-calorie pack system! I really need to cut down on the snacky stuff and use my points for fruits, veggies, protein, and whole grains. Now, that's a good idea!

I'm over the gain . . .WHATEVER! I'll just do my best this week and see if I can beat it next Friday.

2.4!!!

2008-08-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I finally had a nice loss! 2.4 lbs, which brings me to a total of 30 lbs lost since beginning Weight Watchers. I got clapped for today!!

I didn't feel any particular way going into the weigh-in this morning, but I was hopeful. I was very careful this week and I didn't use all of my weekly allowance points, and it paid off nicely. It was great to get another five-pound sticker (6 of them now!) and to feel like I'm finally over the hump. I've been struggling with the same two pounds up and down for four weeks now and today I finally banished them forever! Be gone, two pounds!!

The leader (there was a sub again... I can't wait for Nancy to come back from her vacation next week!) asked me what I've changed or what I'm doing to be successful and my answer was that I just keep doing it. I just keep on keeping on. That's the key. Every other time I've started a "diet", I always have an end date in mind. The "after I lose fifty pounds, I can go off this crazy diet" kind of mindset. I think I have finally come to the place where I understand that this struggle of mine is going to be with me forever, and I'm going to have to fight it forever. That's why this lifestyle has to be forever. Whether I gain or lose one week, I just stay on plan and keep on going . . . overall, there is definitely a downward trend! Check out my progress graph:

Gotta love that "downward trend"!
At the meeting we also talked about thinking about the food we're eating before we put it in our mouth. It's important to keep track and stay accountable for what you're eating, but it's also important to try and eat things that are healthy for you. You can definitely work in plenty of desserts and sweets with the points, but that's not necessarily the healthiest way to eat. So, this week I'm going to ask myself before I eat something, "Is this good for my body?"

Good Article

2008-08-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

There's a great article on the Weight Watchers home page today on slow weight loss. Check it out . . . Why Slow Weight Loss Wins

Here's a little sneak peek: "We live in a quick-fix society," says Debra Mandel, PhD, a Los Angeles psychologist who specializes in eating disorders. "When we want something, we want it right away."

Worse, we're constantly presented with advertisements that convince us that we can lose inches by tomorrow, and be slimmer by next week. It seems like there's no harm in wanting to lose weight by yesterday. After all, it is possible. Isn't it?

The High Road

2008-08-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

You know that scripture in Corinthians? The one that says"Charity suffereth long?" Well, this week, Luella "suffereth long"! I had a pretty good week, I was excited for the weigh-in on Friday...I was feeling it, feeling better in my clothes, better in my body, all that. So, when I stepped on the scale and it showed a gain of 1.2 lbs, I was dumbfounded! I, however, did not lose my composure and bawl like the last time I gained unexpectedly. Instead, I channeled the good feelings I had about how my clothes were fitting and how I felt, and I MOVED ON.

Unfortunately, this little setback is calling for MORE PATIENCE.

More, I ask? How can I possibly be any more patient?? I feel like I have had the patience of Job during this weight loss journey! I have been dealing with the same two pounds for five weeks now. FIVE WEEKS!!! These two little pounds are trying to kill me! On the way home from the meeting (I often get my best thinking time in the car!) I figured that there are two roads I can take now:

The Low Road: Quit this stupid journey . . . it's taking too long and it's too darn frustrating. All I want to do is stuff my face with ice cream and baked goods and wallow in self-pity. I bet it wouldn't take me 6 months to gain back the 28 lbs I've lost since beginning Weight Watchers! Should I take that challenge? OR . . .

The High Road: This road is a long one, and it only involves controlled amounts of ice cream and baked goods, but there is a huge pay-off at the end of it, which includes a much nicer figure, a huge amount of self-confidence, and the knowledge that I can do anything that I set my mind to. A much worthier challenge, says I.

So I gained when I thought I had lost, so what? In the big picture, I still have an average weight loss of 1.1 lbs per week--that's 4.4 lbs per month and over six months that's 26 1/2 lbs! When I lose 26 1/2 more lbs I'll only be ten pounds from my goal weight! That's awesome!

The fact of the matter is this: Each week that passes during which I stay on plan, drink enough water, eat enough fruits and vegetables, and exercise my body is a week in which I teach myself how to treat my body well and how to reach the goals I have set for myself. It doesn't really matter how long it takes me . . . as long as I've taken the right road (the HIGH road!) I'll get there eventually!

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost

Two Fantastic Recipes!

2008-07-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

So, there has been a definite lack of good recipes on this blog lately . . . Sorry! Last night we enjoyed a great dinner with two of my staple recipes. The first is Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo--a favorite weight watchers recipe, and Oven Roasted Broccoli, courtesy of Alton Brown from the Food Network (I love him!). These two recipes make for a fantastic 11-point dinner.

Chicken Fettuccini Alfredo Serves: 4 Points: 9

6 medium garlic clove(s), peeled and smashed with a knife

1 pound uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast, washed, patted dry

1 tsp table salt

1 tsp black pepper, freshly ground

1 sprays cooking spray

1/2 cup canned chicken broth ( I always use extra)

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream

1/4 cup whole milk plain yogurt, Greek-style (I use ricotta cheese, GY is kind of hard to find)

1/8 tsp table salt, for cooking pasta

8 oz uncooked whole-wheat pasta, fettuccini

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1/4 cup parsley, fresh, flat-leaf, finely chopped, divided

Heat a large, heavy skillet over medium heat. Rub garlic over chicken; reserve garlic. Season chicken with salt and pepper and rub in seasonings with your hands; set aside.

Off heat, coat skillet with cooking spray and then set over medium-low heat. Sauté garlic until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add chicken and cook until golden, flipping once, about 5 minutes per side.

In a small bowl, combine broth, heavy cream and yogurt; pour over chicken and scrape bottom of skillet with a wooden spoon to incorporate seasonings. Simmer chicken gently, turning once, about 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, bring a medium pot of salted water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package directions; drain.

Remove chicken from cream sauce and set aside. Add Parmesan cheese to cream sauce and mix until well combined. Add cooked pasta and 3 tablespoons of parsley; toss well. Serve pasta topped with chicken and rest of parsley. Yields about 3 ounces of chicken and 2/3 cup of pasta/sauce per serving.

*I have only ever doubled this recipe (Ben wants leftovers!), but I only use 1 1/2 lbs of chicken instead of two. I always use a lot more chicken broth than it calls for, usually adding more after I put the sauce on the pasta.

Oven Roasted Broccoli Serves: 6 Points: 2

1 pound broccoli, rinsed and trimmed
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup panko bread crumbs
1/4 cup finely grated Parmesan or sharp Cheddar

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Cut the broccoli florets into bite size pieces. Cut the stalk into 1/8-inch thick, round slices. Place the broccoli into a mixing bowl and toss with the olive oil, garlic, kosher salt and pepper and set aside.

Spread the panko into a 13 by 9-inch metal cake pan and place into the oven for 2 minutes or until lightly toasted. Remove the panko from the oven and add to the bowl with the broccoli mixture. Toss to combine. Return the mixture to the cake pan, place in the oven and roast just until the broccoli is tender, 8 to 10 more minutes. Remove from the oven, toss in the cheese and serve immediately.

*Panko bread crumbs can be found at Asian markets if they're not in your grocery store. Here in Bellevue you can get them at the Asian market on 370 next to No Frills and the Salvation Army (I can't remember the name of it!). They're a must for this recipe.

This broccoli recipe is truly fantastic . . . I could eat the whole recipe myself, no problem. Alton Brown actually hates broccoli generally, but he loves it this way. It's a great recipe to try on someone who doesn't usually like broccoli.

Sometimes It Just Doesn't Make Sense

2008-07-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

Going into the weigh-in yesterday, I wasn't feeling optimistic. This last week was Ben's birthday, which means there was ice cream and cake in the house. We also had pizza one night and I had a serious run-in with the candy jar. I had prepared myself for a gain, but I was just hoping to stay the same.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I got on the scale and saw a loss of 1.8 lbs! I couldn't believe it! I ate chocolate, pizza, cake, ice cream, and all kinds of other things AND I exercised several hours less than last week, and I still got a loss. Explain that one!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the loss . . . I'm just surprised! It's really nice to know that I can go through things like birthday celebrations and still lose. It's all about being aware. That piece of cake was much smaller than it would have been had I not been paying attention. This plan is definitely something that I can do forever . . . that's nice to know.

What the #!@#@$!!??

2008-07-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

I don't really want to post this week. What a downer. I worked so hard this week . . . I even did double workouts on three days for a total of 66 activity points and when I got on that scale this morning I had gained .2 lbs. Huh??

I can't believe it. It got me so down I didn't even have the heart to participate in the meeting. I just sat there like a lump. After the meeting I got up to walk out and Nancy said hi and asked if I was okay. Great. Does that ever happen to anyone else? When you're barely keeping it together and someone asks you if you're okay? What happens? You start to bawl like a five-year-old! Which is just what I did. Thank goodness most of the people had left!

I explained what had happened and she empathized with me. We had a nice talk (even though I was blubbering the whole time!) and she reminded me to look at the big picture and remember all the off-scale successes I have had. Here are a few:

I've been going to meetings faithfully since February 16 . . . longer than any other time when I joined before, and it's the first time I haven't changed diet plans every two weeks hoping to make me lose faster.
I've lost 3 (almost 4) dress sizes.
I've lost more than 10 inches off my waist.
I've gone from gasping for air when running to running for 22 minutes without stopping to walk (hopefully it will be longer this week!).
I'm losing my double chin!
I feel better.
I look better.
I have lost 38.2 pounds!!

In the car on the way home from the meeting I wiped my tears and resolved that I will not give up. I JUST WON'T GIVE UP!

This journey isn't just about losing weight, it's about eating right, exercising, just plain taking care of myself and my body, and it's about teaching my kids to do the same. Who cares if I didn't lose this week? I'm looking at the big picture and from there I look pretty darn good!

Vacation . . . SUCCESS!!

2008-07-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

For the first time . . . EVER . . . I came home from vacation feeling good about myself! That is quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself. Every other "vacation" I've ever taken in my life (including those 9-month vacations called "pregnancy") has turned into a food free-for-all with me elbowing the senior citizens out of the way in the all-you-can-eat buffet line.

I cannot tell you how good it feels to know that I continued to take care of my health while we were gone. I posted about my first weigh-in in Utah . . . lost 1.6 lbs. Last Friday wasn't as successful and I saw a gain of 1.4 lbs. Today I was up another .8 lbs. That's a total gain of .6 lbs . . . which I think is pretty awesome, considering two whole weeks of barbecues, eating out and 4 days on the road!

Here's what I did:

I went into it scared; I had lots of good food choices in the car; I journaled all but two days; I exercised as much as I could (took my Tae-bo DVD's with me); I ate what I wanted when I wanted it in healthy portions; I enjoyed my favorite restaurants that are only in Utah; and I remained flexible, compensating for restaurant meals with lighter meals before and after. IT WAS AWESOME!

I'm just so glad that I stayed with it. My old self would have given up two hours into the road trip when the snacks started calling my name. I was back at my meeting this morning and it was good to see the familiar faces and to see my awesome leader, Nancy. We talked about perseverance today, what a great topic! I'm so glad I persevered through the vacation and I'm ready for the week ahead. Go out there and make yourself a great week!

Persistence

2008-06-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

I weighed in yesterday at the Weight Watchers in Provo . . . I didn't stay for the meeting, but I knew it wouldn't be the same as "my" meeting at home, so I don't feel bad about that. I am happy to report that even after the road trip, I still lost 1.6 lbs!! I was so happy . . . the feeling you get after a good weigh-in is just amazing. There's just something about hanging in there even when it's hard and proving to yourself that you can do it week after week. It's the best feeling in the world.

I know that this week will be a huge challenge. We already had Panda Express (I had to do it, they don't even have it in Nebraska!) and pizza (my personal food enemy) yesterday. I'm still within my points and I worked out hard yesterday and again this morning, so that will help. There are family parties tonight and tomorrow afternoon. Parties, with all the food just laying there calling to me are another huge pit fall for me. I'll have to enlist my husband to help me resist the temptations.

While we're here we're staying in my best friend's parents house (they're on a mission at a girls camp so they only come home once a week) and there's this saying on the wall downstairs:

"That which we persist in doing becomes easy to do; not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do has increased."

Ain't that the truth?? Each person has incalculable potential and power to change their own life and the lives of others, and hanging in there when things get tough is a huge part of that.

Everyone have a great week . . . I definitely plan to!

Road Trip!

2008-06-25T19:51:00.001-07:00

Okay, so we're on our way to Utah. Road Trips are definitely hazardous when you're trying to eat well! My idea of a road trip growing up was being able to spend crazy amounts of money on nuts, beef jerky, gummy worms and every other snack I usually didn't allow myself and to eat them with reckless abandon for 12 hours straight. That's not exactly conducive to maintaining a healthy weight!

We tried to be good about food in the car. We let the kids each pick a treat (Spiderman fruit snacks and Yogos) and we packed granola bars, peanuts, crackers, V-8, a cooler with grapes, carrots, sliced cheese, bananas, yogurt and lots of water. Considering how the day could have gone had I just let myself go, I did very well. I wrote everything down until the evening, when we went to Outback Steakhouse. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and got broccoli instead of fries. I could have asked for no cheese, but come on . . . this is vacation! There have to be some indulgences!

I don't have high hopes for the weigh-in this Friday (I'm planning to attend a meeting in Utah), but I hope that I don't see a gain. It's near impossible to get in a workout when you're trying to travel almost 1,000 miles in two days with three kids, but hopefully I'll be able to make up for that once we get there. We're planning to go hiking at least two days and I'm sure we'll be walking around a few malls. I also brought all my Tae-Bo DVD's and I'm sure I'll do that more than once.

So, after day one, things are going well. I just have to keep reminding myself that vacation is not an excuse to let go of all the good habits I have learned, and that indulging in food that I want in the moment will NOT help me feel better in the long run.

Time for bed . . . Tomorrow, Utah here we come!

Oh, Guilt...

2008-06-23T07:28:00.000-07:00

Who hasn't had to deal with guilt at one time or another? It's everywhere... regret for past actions, guilt for wronging another, for not being better at something... MOMMY GUILT, anyone? Man, I REALLY hate guilt. And, I am guilty (no pun intended =) ) of letting it overwhelm me at times.

One source of guilt that I am trying to eradicate from my life is food guilt. It's a vicious cycle . . . you want the food, you eat the food (too much of the food!), you feel TERRIBLE after eating the food, you feel like a failure, you say what's the use . . . you want the food, you eat the food . . . and on and on until you end up overweight and on the couch with another bowl of said food. Okay, so I'm exaggerating, but really . . . guilt is no fun, and it's a slippery slope that leads to a definite loss of self-worth.

That said, I'm dealing this morning with a case of food guilt. My husband came home from his deployment on Saturday afternoon. He had requested a favorite meal, topped off with chocolate cheesecake. On Saturday night I did soooo well! I was so proud of myself, I had the smallest sliver of cheesecake (still 5 1/2 points!), and I was satisfied. Sunday was a different story! Somehow, the cheesecake overcame me and I ate two . . . yes, TWO . . . pieces of that darn cake. Almost immediately afterward I was so furious at myself, and I felt so disgusting. I really, really wished that I could make myself throw up. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I'm not sure at the moment) even if I really want to throw up, I can't make myself, no matter what I stick down my throat. So, this morning I'm dealing with the "food hangover", and with the thought that we're leaving on vacation on Wednesday and I used up more than half of my weekly points allowance on that dumb cheesecake.

There is a voice from crash diets of the past whispering in my ear that I can make up for it today by eating very little and working out a lot . . . but what will that solve? I'll just be hungry and cranky, and that doesn't make anyone feel better. On the other shoulder, the Weight Watchers voice of sensibility is whispering, "Just stay on plan today . . . drink all your water, exercise, eat well, and forget about the stupid cheesecake." I think that's a better plan.

TGIF!!!

2008-06-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

I love Fridays! I look forward to Friday all week, and not because it's the weekend, but because it's my meeting day! It's just a great feeling knowing that I have stayed on plan all week long, that I feel good, that I look good, and that I'll probably have a loss. It's even better to know that if I don't have a loss, it's not the end of the world . . . that I'll just have to wait until next week.

Good news today: I lost 1.4 lbs! I was very happy, but I'm kind of amazed that going to the meetings each week is becoming about more than the numbers on the scale. I go to weigh in, of course, but also just to feel the camaraderie of people who understand. It's always great to feel that you are among friends.

Today we talked about lots of food ideas; I learned that Thomas's makes a 1-pt english muffin (I'm definitely going to find those!), and that Panera bread has a great Strawberry Poppy Seed Salad for only 3 points! I guess I'll have to give Panera a try since I've never been there.

We talked about "detours", and how weight-loss is like a road trip. You sometimes have to veer from the original plan, but if you follow the signs and keep on going, you'll eventually reach the same destination. Quite an ironic topic for me, since we're going on vacation next Wednesday. A road trip to Utah . . . I have been quite nervous about it, but I'm gaining confidence. I know that I can make good choices, and I know that I'll be able to have treats too! It's great to have a lifestyle that is so flexible. I'll be attending the next two meetings in Utah, I hope they're as motivating as the ones here.

P.S. My husband gets home from his deployment tomorrow... Woo-hoo!

I Have the Power

2008-06-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

It will come as no surprise to others on a weight-loss journey that this is not my first time trying to lose weight... in fact, it's not the second or third or even fourth time. I can't even remember a time when losing weight wasn't on my mind. There have been good diets and bad diets, fast ones and slow ones. I've even tried Weight Watchers countless times before, but this time, there is one fundamental difference: I realize that I am powerful. I know that I have the power to change my life.

There have been periods of time in my life when I did not have this belief, some of them pretty extended periods. When I was younger, I was pretty much unaware of the power I had to change, so I didn't really explore it. When I was in college, I was aware that people could change, but I didn't believe that I was one of them. I have so many memories of times when others have taken my power from me... and I let them do it! One time in grade school a boy walked up to me, stopped and looked me up and down and then said, "You're fat." Just like that. Completely matter of factly, he summed my entire being up in those two words. And that is what I became.

I remember other comments, even from well-intentioned friends or family members. My dad once told me that I needed to just accept that I was overweight ("big-boned", he said, as if that's any less insulting than fat!) and be happy with the way I was. I know he was just trying to help, but he took my power away because I believed him, and I thought I could never change. Another time, after losing more than 20 pounds, in line at a fast-food restaurant a friend jested with me about always ordering salads... and what did I do? I quit the diet. I let her take my power and I gave up on believing in myself. I remember every single comment, every look, every time I ever felt different because I was fat. I remember longing to be one of the "skinny girls", just wanting to be able to trade clothes with a friend, or to be able to wear the cute clothes that only came in smaller sizes.

Time after time, I tried, really tried to lose weight . . . but without actually believing that I could do it. Lots of times I kept it a secret, knowing that if I failed, no one would have to know. I would go on crazy diets that promised a pound a day . . . I even tried prescription diet pills. Those things worked, but they were all only a temporary fix. For many years, remembering these things made me feel worse, but now they help to remind me how far I've come, and they strengthen my will to change, to become more than just the fat girl.

This time it's different. I'm following the plan, taking it slow, one day at a time. My losses each week aren't big, and deep down I'm glad . . . because it's teaching me patience, a virtue which I definitely lack. It's also helping me to make this way of eating habit, and not just something I do for a few months. I'm sick of the roller coaster, and this time when I joined Weight Watchers, I knew it wasn't just for a one-day ticket into the weight-loss amusement park. This is life . . . there will be french fries, and birthday cake, and KFC on the 4th of July. With this plan, I am fully equipped to handle whatever "life" throws my way.

I'm going to win this weight loss game . . . I think of how it will feel to reach my goal weight almost every day. Every day that I stay on plan, I build up my power reserve. Every time that I turn down or pass by a food that I know isn't going to work for me, I get stronger. Every time that I opt to eat the french fries, or the cake or the ice cream, when I know I have the points, I feel absolutely empowered!

No one can take my power away unless I let them. This is my life, and I have the power to change.

Who Doesn't Love Pancakes?

2008-06-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Oh, pancakes... the ultimate in comfort breakfast. I love them, the kids love them. Do weight watchers love them? Um, not so much. Pancakes with all the trimmings at a restaurant can set you back quite a few points... probably more than you get for the whole day. Fortunately, there are ways to make great pancakes! We tried gingerbread pancakes a few months back and they've become a staple, (so, so, so yummy, I promise to share the recipe soon!), so yesterday (Sunday) morning, the kids were all for trying a new pancake recipe.

These are delicious! I think what I love best about these is that you don't need anything but a little bit of spread/butter/whatever you use on top. No dealing with the points or mess of syrup.

Chunky Apple Pancakes

1 cup flour
1 Tbsp light brown sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 tsp vegetable oil
2/3 cup 1% milk
1/2 cup chunky applesauce

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Combine flour, sugar, and next 3 ingredients in a large bowl; stir with a whisk. Combine egg, oil, milk, and applesauce; stir with a whisk until blended. Add to flour mixture, and stir until dry ingredients are moistened.
Spoon about 1/4 cup batter onto a hot nonstick griddle or nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray. Turn pancakes when tops are covered with bubbles and edges look cooked. Yield: 8 pancakes, 2 points each.

I always double the batch when I make pancakes, then you can eat them later for snacks (the kids eat them cold, right out of the fridge) or for breakfast on another day. They also freeze really well. I just use the toaster to warm them up, then spread light butter on top and voilà! a very tasty breakfast!

This was our first time making this recipe, and they were a big hit with me and Eli. Carli wasn't too impressed with the apple chunks, so about two-thirds of the way through the batter, I chopped up a banana (chopped, not smashed) and added that in. That worked like a charm! I think she believed that the apples were gone, and I didn't try to change her mind. I loved the added banana . . . they tasted like banana bread! So next time, I will just add banana from the beginning. I also promised that we will eat them with sliced bananas and strawberries and whipped cream.

Anyone want to join us??

It could have been so much worse

2008-06-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it through last night-- but not without a battle. Not five minutes after I finished the post, Eli came and asked me if we could make cookies. Seems the demon was calling out to him as well. And with those five words, "Can we make cookies please", all my resolve came crashing down.

I tried to be real about it. I knew the craving was real, but I knew I was on the edge emotionally and that the smallest thing was going to send me diving to the bottom of the bowl, not just swimming around the edges. I looked up a Weight Watchers recipe for chocolate chip cookies, and we got started. I knew that even if things went horribly wrong, I couldn't eat more than 24 points . . . that's the entire recipe!

Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 Tbsp butter, softened
2 tsp canola oil
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 tsp table salt
1 large egg white(s)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
3 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips, about 1/2 cup

Preheat oven to 375ºF.

In a medium bowl, cream together butter, oil and sugar. Add vanilla, salt and egg white; mix thoroughly to combine.
In a small bowl, mix together flour and baking soda; stir into batter. Add chocolate chips to batter; stir to distribute evenly throughout.
Drop rounded half-teaspoons of dough onto one or two large nonstick baking sheets, leaving a small amount of space between each cookie. Bake cookies until golden around edges, about 4 to 6 minutes; cool on a wire rack. Yields 2 cookies per serving, 1 point.

These little cookies are actually really good... the dough was tasty too. I ate 14 points worth of dough... I really don't care about them after they're cooked. It was more than I wanted to eat, but I didn't have to feel guilty about it, because I had the points and I wrote it down. So I ate broccoli and chocolate chip cookies for dinner . . . So what??

Score: Me--1, Cookie Dough Demon--Zero

(P.S. Thanks to my friend Heather for the kind comment. Heather is a fellow weight watcher who has lost more than 40 lbs! Awesome!!)

It's getting a little heavy

2008-06-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

This load I'm carrying, I mean. I'm really sick of being the only parent. Being alone and taking care of three kids all day every day is wearing on me. I've been doing pretty well, in fact, my husband comes home from his deployment a week from today, but right now I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown. There has been a lot of screaming in the house today... me screaming, Carli screaming, Sammy screaming. It's starting to wear on my nerves. I am feeling lots of emotions and right now I want to drown them in a big bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough!

Deep down (deep, deep, down) I know that chocolate chip cookie dough will do nothing for me, in fact, it'll probably leave me pretty mad later, but right now I really want it. I'm trying really hard to fight the impulse to just eat anything and everything right now. I do really well during the week, but on the weekends, I just feel like letting go... especially when I'm tired and frustrated and very lonely. I just want Ben home now.

Right now it's only 6 pm and I just can't wait to put the kids in bed. Sounds terrible, but if you have kids, you understand. The evening seems endless, and I just need some peace.

I also have another worry on my mind. My back... it's acting up again. I have a herniated disk, which they've been treating with steroid epidurals. The first one was during my pregnancy, last July, and it lasted for 6 months. They basically inject steroids around the herniated disk and it alleviates the swelling and pressure and takes the pain away. The second one was in February, and it's lasted until now. I was really hoping to make it all the way through the deployment, but it doesn't look like that will happen. It's been hurting during the night and seizing up at times during the day. Eventually, if it goes too long, I won't be able to walk. Stress management is not my forté and thinking about arranging a babysitter for the procedure and someone to go with me, not to mention making it through all the days until I actually get it scheduled is just about more than I can take right now.

Thanks for listening to my rant. This blogging thing is turning out to be pretty therapeutic. I can't hear the cookie dough calling to me so loudly now, it's more like a whisper. Hopefully it will just fade out until I can't hear it anymore. Wish me luck. =)

That was the best meeting!

2008-06-13T08:42:00.001-07:00

What a great WW meeting this morning! (Except for the fact that I had to take Carli and Sammy. I try really hard to always have a babysitter, but this morning I just had no choice.)
Here are some of the reasons why this meeting was so good:

My leader, Nancy, is so cool. I just love her. I have been on WW off and on for 10+ years now, sometimes joining meetings, sometimes just trying it on my own. Of the three places I actually joined, this one is the best. I tried out several different meetings in California and I just didn't find a leader who I felt really cared. This time has been very different... The second week when I walked through the door, Nancy was standing there and said, "Hi Luella!" I couldn't believe that she remembered my name after only one week, and it made me feel like she really cared. Nancy is one of those people who can make everyone in the room feel special. Love her!
The people in the meeting are just awesome! One lady (Anne?) had lost over 40 pounds today... what an accomplishment! Others are just starting out, or somewhere in the middle, and there are lifers (who I really admire because they've really made it a life change--they're still coming!) There are also a couple of men in the meeting, which I really like too. One man (I don't know his name yet), is just really funny. I love whenever he makes a comment. On the way out of the meeting today he stopped me and told me that I was an inspiration. What a nice thing to say... it totally made my day! I hope he knows and that everyone in the meeting knows that they are my inspiration! Going to that meeting week after week with people who understand my struggles is invaluable to me.
I shared the website with everyone. I have talked in previous posts about how telling people that I'm on WW is empowering to me. It makes me accountable and there is a certain sense of peer pressure... If everyone knows, I will work harder to show the world that I can do it. I hope that I get some visitors from the meeting (If you do visit, please leave a comment so I know you were here!).
Great ideas today! Nancy gave an idea for the WW smoothies (which were on sale today). One vanilla smoothie packet, one cup milk (or almond milk is what she uses), 1/2 c pumpkin, dash of cinnamon. More of a winter taste, but I love pumpkin anytime! Another idea was a fruit smoothie with "Naked" brand juice. One serving of juice, one WW yogurt, bunch of ice, blend up and enjoy for only three points. Sounds good with the weather right now!
I got clapped for! I lost 1.8 lbs today and met the 25 lb mark. That's down 26.4 at WW and 37.6 lbs lost total. I'm so proud of myself.

Oh, one more thing. My leader asked about the picture of me on the blog... asked if it was a before picture. That got me thinking that I should post a before picture (even though I really don't want to!) I do love to see before and afters though, so I'm going to do it anyway. This is "before" and "current". The "After" picture is still to come! (left 01/03/08, right 06/13/08)

Hoping to get clapped for tomorrow...

2008-06-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has attended Weight Watchers meetings knows that it's all about support... it's about sitting in a room with a bunch of other people who know exactly how you feel and who have the same struggles you do. Even the leaders and receptionists have all lost weight on the program (I love that!). So, every time you reach a milestone (every five pounds, 10%, on program16 weeks, etc), you get recognized and everyone claps for you. Two weeks ago I met my 10% and 16 weeks on the same day, so I got double clapping!

Last week I was .4 lbs away from 25 lbs gone forever... I'm really hoping to see it gone tomorrow. I've had a good week... stayed on plan, even eating less of my weekly points allowance than usual, but I'm just not feeling it. I don't feel like I have lost anything this week. Let's hope that's a fluke! We'll see tomorrow morning.

I was talking with a friend today who's thinking of joining Weight Watchers. She's not sure about it yet...the money, a vacation coming up, etc. I told her there will always be something coming up. It's been 10 years since the first time I did Weight Watchers, and for ten years, there has always been something--some reason to stop following the plan, some excuse to stop exercising, just something that keeps me from my goals. NO MORE. I am so committed this time. I'm just going to keep doing it until I reach my goals, and then I'm going to keep doing it after that! I feel very empowered this time, I'm just not going to let any excuse get in the way. There will be weeks that don't go so well, but that's life. Just try harder the next week and keep on trying, and it will work. It doesn't have to be fast (something I have to tell myself every day!).

One thing that has helped me immensely this time: Telling anyone and everyone that I'm on Weight Watchers . . . being proud of myself . . . and not worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. It took me a long time to get to that point, but I'm there and it's helping me get to where I want to be!

To my friend: You can do it. You are worth it. Don't ever forget it.

Cloudy Days are for Baking!

2008-06-11T14:44:00.000-07:00

After the thunderstorm kept me and Carli awake (Eli and Sammy slept right through it) for more than an hour last night, I was definitely ready for a pajama day. It's now quarter to five and I'm still wearing them! Sometimes you just have to do that!

The day started out very cloudy and gloomy, and we needed something to cheer us up, so we decided to make bread! It was super easy to make, and turned out delicious. It's two points per slice, but for homemade bread, it's worth it. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist a couple of thick slices, so I was ready to spend my points allowance on it. I ate 17 points with the butter and jam, and I am totally happy with that!

The recipe is from the 2003 Weight Watchers Annual Recipes for Success.

Oatmeal-Molasses Bread Prep: 15 min, Rise: 70 min, Cook: 35 min

1 package dry yeast
1 cup warm water
3 Tbsp molasses
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup regular oats
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp salt
Cooking Salt

Dissolve yeast in warm water in a large bowl. Add molasses; let stand 5 minutes. Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with knife. Combine 1 cup flour, oats, oil and salt. Add flour mixture to yeast mixture, stirring to form a soft dough. Gradually add remaining flour.
Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic (about 2 minutes). Place dough in a large bowl coated with cooking spray, turning to coat top. Cover and let rise in a warm place, 35 minutes or until doubled in size.
Punch dough down; place on a lightly floured surface. Knead about 10 times; roll into a 12x7-inch rectangle. Roll up rectangle tightly, starting with a short side, pressing firmly to eliminate sir pockets; pinch seam and ends to seal. Place roll, seam side down, in an 8x4-inch loaf pan coated with cooking spray. Cover; let rise 35 minutes or until doubled in size.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Uncover dough. Bake at 375 for 35 minutes or until loaf is browned and sounds hollow when tapped. Remove from pan; cool on a wire rack. Yield: 14 servings, 2 points each.

The bread is really delicious! I doubled the recipe... why make bread unless you can take a loaf to a neighbor?

Beef Macaroni Soup

2008-06-10T16:33:00.000-07:00

I was really craving something good for dinner tonight. By good, I mean something that tastes good, and is good for me as well. I haven't been cooking very much since my husband has been deployed. I usually cook a lot because I really enjoy it, but with Ben gone, it's just too hard to get everything done. Tonight, though, I really wanted something tasty.

I decided on this soup because it's delicious, full of vegetables, and super easy to make. My oldest child, Eli is an aspiring chef, so he'll eat just about anything (or at least give it a try), but my three-year-old, Carli, definitely has issues with this soup--too many "big green things!" I just keep making it though--it'll have to grow on her.

It's pretty low in points, and if you use whole-wheat pasta, it's good for the Core plan as well.

Beef Macaroni Soup Serves: 6 Points: 4

1 lb lean ground beef

1 can diced tomatoes, undrained

1 small can tomato sauce

3/4 cup water

1 can beef broth

2 cups frozen mixed vegetables

1/4 tsp pepper

1 1/2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni

In a large saucepan, cook beef over medium-high heat, drain. Stir in the tomatoes, water, broth, vegetables and pepper. Bring to a boil; add macaroni. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 8-10 minutes or until macaroni and vegetables are tender. Add salt to taste.

It's a really big serving for four points, and really filling. It's a great way to get in some vegetables at the end of the day.

Black Bean Brownies

2008-06-09T09:54:00.001-07:00

Yes, you read that right. Black Bean Brownies. This is not your typical "I'll-substitute-something to-take-the-place-of-fat, and-even-though-they-won't-taste-good, I'll-still-eat-them-because-
they'll-be-low-in-points" kind of recipe. You really can't taste the black beans. Really.

Here's a little proof of the tastiness of this recipe:

My kids love these brownies, and they have no idea that they're made with a can of black beans instead of water, oil and eggs! If a three and a five-year-old will eat them, anyone will! These brownies are near the top of the list of recipes I have discovered since starting Weight Watchers.

Black Bean Brownies

1 box low-fat brownie mix (I use the Betty Crocker brand, 13X9 family size--get it at Walmart)
1 can black beans

Do not rinse or drain the black beans (I know, I know... just trust me). Pour beans and juice into a food processor and puree until smooth. I'm sure a blender would work fine too. In a large bowl, combine the beans with the brownie mix, stir until combined. Spray a 13X9 pan with cooking spray and pour in the brownie mix. Add 10-12 minutes to the cooking time on the box. Mine usually cook for a total of about 37 minutes. Let cool, cut and enjoy.

You can cut the pan into 18 squares or 20--both work out to 2 Points per square. It is a pretty good sized brownie--especially when brownies are usually 5 points or more.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

2008-06-08T16:21:00.001-07:00

Friday is my Weight Watchers meeting day, and I forgot to update the blog after weigh-in yesterday. I went in feeling pretty confident; I had had several really good workouts and I was looking for a pretty good loss. When the scale only showed -.8 lbs, I had to work to hide my disappointment. My leader, Nancy, always points out that a loss is a loss, no matter how small. So, I am happy with my loss, even though it isn't what I wanted. I have to continually remind myself that losses of only .8 per week do add up over time.

One of my biggest struggles with weight loss/control is that I want it NOW! I do not want to have a loss of .8 lbs over how ever many weeks... I want a loss of 50 pounds now! I know that's not possible, and this time I am trying to do it right, and do it permanently. I do know how to lose weight quickly, and I've done it before... but I've seen it come right back on just as fast. This time, I'm trying to be patient.

Looking at the big picture is sometimes hard because the final goal seems so far away, even unattainable. It's much easier and more realistic to break the journey up into smaller steps. I reached my first goal (10%) last week, and my next goal is to be under 200 (OH! It is SO hard to actually type the numbers!). That's only 10 pounds away, and that's very doable.

This week I'll be listening intently to the little voice in the back of my head that whispers, "Patience, Luella, patience. You can do it."

My Year

2008-06-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

Back in February, I turned 30 and I decided that this was MY YEAR. The year that I will finally get control of my weight and take back the power that food seems to have over me. The day after my birthday I walked into Weight Watchers and I've been back every week since then.
On Friday I met my first goal: 10% of my starting weight! I had lost ten pounds before I joined WW, so that's a total loss of 33.8 lbs. I thought several times about starting a weight loss blog, but I was kind of embarrassed... it has taken me four months to get over the embarrassment and to realize that there's nothing embarrassing about wanting to be healthy, wanting to be a good example for my kids, and just plain wanting to look good!
I've always had the mind set that I can lose weight completely on my own, that I don't need to tell anyone that I'm trying to lose weight... and all of this with the thought in the back of my mind that if I fail, then no one will ever have to know. Not this time. I have been very open from the beginning, even with people whom I don't think will understand, and you know what? Just about every single person I've told has been super supportive! I had a lot of fears for nothing.
My number one supporter is my husband Ben. He has been behind me 100% since day one. He even started counting points with me, just to make me feel like I wasn't alone in this. We've tried to really make it a permanent change, finding new lower-fat, lower-calorie recipes for the whole family.

I will do this, and this time it will be forever. This is my year.